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Showing posts from April, 2006

TERRORS FROM BEYOND ALL IMAGINING... Chapter One: I Need Some "M" Now!

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"More movies! What am I going to do with more movies? I don't have time to watch the movies that I already have!"

Rik was flabbergasted at the simultaneous arrival of three separate cardboard-bound packages in his mailbox, or rather, first, the appearance of a seemingly normal key in his normal mailbox, which led to the opening of a large-package side mailbox in which the items where waiting ominously for their chance to hitchhike their way into Rik's abode. Or rather, a key of hidden hellish intent which led to a great deal of wrestling with the lock on the side mailbox, until such a point that Jen stepped in with her heretofore undiscovered knowledge regarding the trickiness of side-mailbox locks, and after a frustrating forty-six seconds of key-flipping and studied consternation, she managed to turn the lock over, and with it, unleashed the horror of newly acquired DVD insanity (which led instantly to the statement proffered at the top of this page).

"You'r…

IT'S NOT A RERUN IF IT'S ON DVD Pt. 1

For years, I have been longing for a DVD set of Wild Wild West to come out. I loved this show so completely as a teenager, when I watched it in reruns every afternoon at 5:00pm for a number of years. Cheesy? Silly? Sure, on both counts. But also marvelous escapism, with stumpy little Western super-spy James West (Robert Conrad) getting outnumbered in each and every fight, and only sometimes coming out on top; the amazing Artemis Gordon (Ross Martin), Master of Disguise showing up in the most unexpected places to help his pal out; the 1860's version of the Aston Martin: a private train car complete with secret exits, trap doors, and various bits of hidden weaponry; and the supergadgets, mostly period appropriate, that would help the heroic duo both in and out of scrapes, including all of the swell devices hidden in West's bootheels. That a truly crappy movie version was chundered out a handful of years ago only pointed out how fun and special the original series was even more. …

RECENTLY RATED MOVIES #15 & THE ARISTOCRATS

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As I mentioned a couple days ago, I have watched The Aristocrats thrice over the past month. Now, most people would hear a statement like that, and with the barest knowledge of information regarding the film's subject matter: that is, the delineation, history and constant retelling of a very old, very worn-out joke of vaudevillian origins and disgusting comportment, one would guess that I found the movie amazingly hilarious. Well... no. Honestly, I didn't laugh a whole lot during the film, and especially not at the sections dealing with the telling of the joke, wherein a father goes to a talent agent, tells them that he has the most amazing family act, proceeds to outline to the agent the disgusting lengths that the family goes to impress the audience, all of it involving every form of bodily excretion, incestuous sexual combination and orifice prop insertion imaginable, and then tells the agent the name of the act, which, in most versions, turns out to be "The Aristocrat…

FIVE DISCS OF DEATH #1

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Martin (1977)
Dir: George A. Romero
Cinema 4 Rating: 7
The third Romero film that I ever saw, after the opening two Dead films, and while it is not on a par with those two classic walking-dead fests, it is certainly a most unique film of its own right. Look past the sometimes amateurish acting, a common factor of many of Romero's homegrown films, and get into the strange story of a young, very disturbed man who might or might not be a vampire: are his blood-drinking ways proof that he is a modern Dracula? If he is, why is he not susceptible to the things that normally spell a vampire's ruin: the sun, garlic, crosses, holy water? Is he really having this much difficulty acquiring blood, or is everything in his head? With an opening sequence that made me fall off the couch, literally, the first time I watched it; it's well-filmed, but that wasn't the reason, but rather the fact that I was still a relative neophyte in the world of the psychotronic, and really wasn't prep…

THERE'S A RIOT GOIN' ON... #1

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Over at the Cel Bloc, where I have all the fun to myself, the concentration for the last week or so has been on Max Fleischer's Color Classics, which I have been reviewing from the excellent Somewhere in Dreamland 2 -disc DVD set that I recently procured on the internet. I already owned several of these on some public domain discs of ill repute, so it was nice to locate some slightly finer and, in some cases, even terrific condition. Not that any of the original film elements are on display; those are vaulted away by an evil film studio of whom I wish a pox upon. There are several evil film studios which I wish a pox upon, but for now, I will settle with cursing the likes of Republic Entertainment for withholding important cultural artifacts. Shame...

It is far too common an occurrence these days, where series like the wonderful Fleischer Popeye cartoons are almost wholly unviewable (except for a handful of public domain Squinties that have sneaked through the cracks) because of a …

PYLON: RESET, REFOCUSING AND RETUNING

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"If you're gonna do something, do it! If you fall in the mud, maybe you'll come out a gorilla!" - Beanie Andrew, Mule Skinner Blues


It's been over a month since I posted on the Pylon. It's been almost six weeks since I zipped through my three-day Oscar weekend blurpost, catching up on all manner of Hollywood effluvia and star worship, racing to get my picks up in time for yet another semi-disappointing under-event. In the six weeks since then, I have only gotten to the movies twice, both with great success: V for Vendetta and Thank You For Smoking. I have only watched about five movies on DVD in that period, and one of them, The Aristocrats, I watched three times over a four-week period. Netflix must hate me for hanging onto films so long. I have three others sitting here in my apartment that I have had for over a week, and I have yet to work up the compulsion to watch them. That's the one problem with a program like N-Flix: you return one that you have wa…

MINYA (MISSES HIS DAD)

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