Countdown to Halloween: Shock Show Update Fall 2017

As ever, I am on a constant search for more horror host thrills on television and cable. I am not going to get into a debate by my use of "horror host" here; "shock show," my favorite term to use (which you will see in the title to this piece), serves the same purpose. But even that probably doesn't apply to those examples where horror or science-fictional thrills aren't the focus. Perhaps I should just broaden the definition to "movie host shows," though that hasn't nearly the ring that "shock show" or "horror host" do.

Chiefly, the definition must include any example of the genre of TV matinee shows where an old movie is shown that features introductions by a host or hosts – most often playing characters outside of themselves – who do something a bit beyond just talking about the movie. This could include comedic monologues, skits, interviews (in character) with directors or actors, original films, etc. Not just "Here's the movie... see you when it's done!"

THOSE "NOT QUITE HORROR HOST" SHOWS

And yet, there are shows I watch regularly which fall just outside the above definition for me, even if not being quite the correct focus. TCM has a still fairly new, regular show on Sunday mornings called Noir Alley that I have not missed since it started months ago. You could say that it is just another normal TCM feature show – like The Essentials, or, just any evening airing of a film on TCM where it has a host introducing and closing the film. But the host of Noir Alley, Eddie Muller, seems as no-nonsense and tough as any detective in a noir film, and you get the sense that he would love to live that life, even if he is standing on a set on the TCM backlot. It helps that he really is an expert on his preferred genre, and writes his own novels and plays in the form. He is 100% real in his passion for his subject and is just being himself, but he still feels like a character put on for the cameras.

On the opposite end is TCM Underground, which is a horror host show without a horror host. Every Saturday night, TCM airs a primary film under this title that is usually within that range known as "psychotronic" – generally cult films, most often science fiction or horror, but can really be any genre as long as the primary component is that they are weird or out of the norm somehow. A second film, often closely related to the first, is shown next. The series started ages ago with Rob Zombie as the host, which seemed like a perfect pick but he was gone after a year. The show has remained host-less ever since and seems unlikely to ever get one, though I have long campaigned for the return of Joe Bob Briggs or someone similar to give late Saturday evenings a little more zip. Even without a host though, I still save many TCM Underground offerings on my DVR, if only for the novelty of seeing the gorier or dirtier examples on the normally squeaky clean TCM. (Seriously, it's kind of a thrill with me, the modern equivalent of sneaking a peak at nudity-laden cable TV when your parents are asleep.)

EMBRACING WHAT I HAVE ALREADY...

With Elvira no longer doing her duties regularly, Mystery Science Theater 3000 is clearly the prime example of this type of show in the modern era. Even if the movies are not always horror or science fiction-oriented, the horror host model popularized in the '50s and '60s by the likes of Vampira, Zacherley, and scores of mostly local yucksters dressed up in monster trappings was clearly an influence when MST3K hit the Minnesota airwaves in the late '80s. In terms of scope and comedic chops, MST3K has a clear leg up on its predecessors – especially now that the new series has started to attract familiar celebrity names to both its roster and guest list – but at its core, it was basically a bunch of goofy guys making jokes about "Z" grade films. Which is all you really need. (And no, Andrea, I have not forgotten the fine fellows at Rifftrax; I figured that show gets packaged in with the other MST3K spin-offs. All groovy with me...)

With Noir Alley, TCM Underground and the revived MST3K (which I helped revive in my own small way), you might think, "Oh, that's not enough for you?" No, I want real horror host thrills and terrible jokes -- ON THE AIR. I want the fun of turning on a basic cable or even public access channel and finding an ultra-low budget show with a guy in weird makeup trying to make me laugh while showing me a terrible print of an awful film. That's like the horror movie version of a peep show. It will rot your brain. And you will love it.

Thankfully, these days, I have dear ol' Svengoolie to hang out with on Saturday nights on MeTV. Rich Koz has played Sven (originally the Son of Svengoolie) since 1979, after the original Svengoolie, Jerry G. Bishop, gave Koz permission to continue the character. (Koz used to write and perform on the original show, Screaming Yellow Theater, which ran from 1970-1973.) After a break when Son of... ended in 1986, Svengoolie has been a Chicago institution since its return as 1994, and went national in 2011 when he was picked up by MeTV. 

I had seen clips of Sven online, of course – because I tend to seek such things out – but once he hit MeTV, I added him to my regular rotation. Naturally, the moldy puns that Koz employs by the dozens are right in my wheelhouse, as are most of his sound clips from radio shows and cartoons, and I am more than jealous of Koz as I watch because it appears he seems to love his job. It isn't all pretty – some of the original songs can be atrocious, especially when Koz has to sing just out of his range – but it is all rather endearing nonetheless. Pure monster antics... which might be the reason my cat seems to really like it when I play the show, too.

...BUT WHERE ELSE TO GO?

The internet seems to be a prime place to find a lot of local horror hosts in one place, such as on The Monster Channel website. I find having to catch specific hosts a little difficult with the website's schedule, which gives you the weekend's 3-day schedule but during the week you are on your own. Also, while I don't mind streaming video on sites like Netflix or Hulu, where you can stop, start, pause, and rewind as you please, streaming on The Monster Channel means starting the player and picking up whatever show wherever it might be in its airing. I tend to only put on The Monster Channel so I can play it in the background while I am writing. As a result, I don't pay as close attention to most shows or hosts as I should.

Cinematic Insomnia (one of the very best of the lot) on OSI 74's channel on Vimeo (sadly, I don't have Roku where I could watch the regular channel). Ms. Monster and Her Monster Melons on YouTube. (Is she doing shows anymore?) The occasional old Zacherley episode. You can find these and others online, but I still prefer watching such shows on television. I maintain there just has to be a place for these shows somewhere on a thousand-channel cable schedule, though maybe not in the places (such as Syfy) where one might think they would be a natural fit. I never give up looking though, and I will probably spend the rest of my days slowly flipping from channel to channel hoping in vain that that 3:00 a.m. showing of The Black Castle is accompanied by some strange horror host of whom I have never heard before.

LAMIA IS THE NAME-IA

Cut to last Friday morning, as I scanned the cable listings on my television and found a midnight showing of Man in the Attic, a 1953 remake of the story that Hitchcock filmed in his silent days as The Lodger. Man in the Attic features Jack Palance in the role of the suspected killer, and he is pretty damn good in it. I own the film on DVD already, so I didn't need to record it on my DVR, but I thought that perhaps I should check it out since it was airing on a channel called Retro TV. That's right... I was holding out hope there was horror host goodness to be had... and there was!

I have run across Lamia - aka actress Kristina Michelle – before on YouTube, but not on her regular horror host show, Horror Hotel Film Festival. She's pretty but not exactly my type, but I suppose she has a zillion guys stalking her constantly, dressed as she is in a revealing vampire costume, with just the right amount of cleavage and bare leg showing. Lamia, whom I assume is named after the Greek mythological figure (known for turning into a child-devouring demon), doesn't really go for the jokey, Elvira-style of entertaining that her obvious forbearer Elvira does. There is the occasional pun or interstitial in which she tries a little too hard to be sexy. Mostly, it seems Lamia likes to open her shows by telling us everything about the movie she can read off IMDb, and then reappears throughout the show to ask us how we are enjoying the show. Some pieces seem baked in, so that they can be reused from show to show; in fact, I saw the same clip at least twice during Man in the Attic, and twice more in the next evening's showing of Dementia 13. But each movie also had brief bits that corresponded directly to the movie at hand, and so it wasn't just a matter of her filming an opening and closing for each film only.

How this girl can speak that long with those fangs in her mouth is beyond me. I did not say "speak completely clearly" because it is quite noticeable she has to work hard to enunciate many of the words. Still, I admire her drive. I think that the long portion at the beginning where she reels off cast members and trivia would be better served being broken up into smaller bits throughout the show. (Svengoolie does this type of thing best, I feel.) I kept going, "Start the movie already!" during both films. I also wished that the print they used in the show was of a less shabby quality than the eyesore that I saw. But even if the opening drags a bit, Ms. Michelle seems to love playing Lamia, and I am not going to begrudge anyone from dressing as a sexy vampiress if that is their desire.

AND... BUT... ALSO... SOMETHING OFF BEAT...

After discovering that the seductive Lamia lurked within the copy of Man in the Attic on Saturday morning, I checked the listings for Retro TV for the rest of the weekend to see if they were showing other horror-oriented fare. That evening, they were airing House on Haunted Hill, the 1958 "B" classic starring Vincent Price and directed by gimmick-master William Castle. Never one to turn down some free Castle, I recorded it and the next morning, I cracked into it to discover yet another "movie host" show – not necessarily full "horror host" given the basic premise – Off Beat Cinema (from out of Buffalo, NY it seems).

Off Beat Cinema seems to specialize more in weird, cult cinema in general, though that will probably mean more horror and science fiction given what I have seen from the first two shows I've seen. The hosts are a trio of slang-spouting beatnik types named The Mysterious Zelda, Bird the Painter, and Theodore – Cinematic Theologian. (Well, I can get behind that last stance.) I don't really want to get into ragging on the hosts of these shows, because in many cases they are mostly doing these things on the fly and on the cheap, but... cue cards are not a bad idea. I thought there might be more of a cool vibe that existed between the hosts of such a show, but the feeling was more, for lack of a better term, "improv awkward". (You can append that phrase with the adjective of your choice...)

Still, I didn't entirely dislike my experience with the first show, even with the truly terrible (most likely public domain) print of House on Haunted Hill. (I had to skip from host segment to host segment because the film hurt my eyes too much.) In the second show the next evening, in which they aired Ed Wood's Bride of the Monster (which I watched today), the host segments were filmed live at a local comic convention, and had a little more pep to them. The dialogue is too close to modern speech and not strong enough on the beatnik vibe, though it is clear they are trying. (I do like the finger-snapping when they go into the movie or to commercial... reminds me of the beatniks from Happy Days.) It still might take me a while to warm up to Off Beat Cinema, but I am willing to give it a go. I would rather have the option to watch it than not. Keep kickin', cats...

FINALLY, A HARVEY THAT I CAN ACTUALLY LIKE**...

Then came Sunday evening, when I recorded the movie White Zombie, the 1932 Bela Lugosi classic. Once again, I didn't need to record it, but I had struck gold twice already on Retro TV. I was, of course, recording Bride of the Monster later in the evening (which would turn out to be the second Off Beat Cinema offering), but unlike the other shows, White Zombie was airing in prime time hours, so I didn't know what to expect. When I started the recording Monday afternoon, that is when I met Halloween Harvey for the first time.

Local horror hosts are fine, even when they mumble or forget their lines or trip over their tongues. But I admire true professionalism, even in a cheap horror host show. That is where Halloween Harvey comes in... With some clear thought put into tying the different segments together – it is the only one of the three main shows discussed here that tried to tell a story, however silly and trivial, between the chunks of movie – Harvey's Festival of Fear shows a confidence and zip that the other shows sorely lacked. Whether Harvey's almost screeching style of delivering hyper dialogue – he sounds quite like Curly from the Three Stooges – works for you is beside the point. It hit a sweet spot for me. As much as I was enjoying White Zombie again, I also couldn't wait to see the next bit with Harvey, if only to see if he could keep the rhythm going (which they almost did).

And so now, I have three new horror host shows, all producing episodes currently, that I can find easily in one spot each weekend on Retro TV. I noticed from their online schedule that the channel has another regular movie spot, Mondays through Fridays, for something called Retro Drive-In. I haven't checked to see if it is hosted yet, but judging from the movies promoted on their Facebook page the last couple of days – the Buster Keaton sound film (only OK), Speak Easily, and The Godson, the remake of Le Samourai – I am also not sure if the true drive-in aesthetic is being celebrated consistently or not.

Time will have to tell... like tomorrow night, Daddy-O...

RTJ


** You can ask me about the "Finally, a Harvey that I can actually like" title, but you won't get very far. Just accept that there is a Harvey in my past that I can't fucking stand. And Harvey, if you are reading this, rest assured it is you. I have only met one Harvey in my life (and, no, it was not Weinstein...)

This Week in Rixflix #6: April 14-20, 2017

So, the big Mystery Science Theater 3000 reveal happened to the public, and by the time Easter weekend finished, I had watched the remaining episodes via Netflix. Using my iPad at night, I even watched a couple of them a second time (not counting the first episode that I saw again and again and yet again the previous Sunday).

I will write more about the show in a separate series I am planning to start soon, and despite MST3K basically stealing my brain and attention for the past fortnight, I will mention that I still managed to see a fair amount of feature films throughout the remainder of the week. Most notably of that bunch, I finally watched Kubo and the Two Strings. As a stop-motion aficionado (né nut), I have once again had to kick myself over and over mentally for not having seen Kubo on a big screen in a theatre in the first place. Likewise, for also not having seen it multiple times in such a setting. The film is genuinely one of the coolest, most engrossing films I have viewed in a very long time, and its arrival on Blu-ray at my household will be immediate following my next spurt of employment.

I will post a couple of articles on Cinema 4: Cel Bloc in the very near future that recap and review the two dozen or so National Film Board of Canada animated shorts that were aired by TCM the previous weekend, all of which I watched while juggling MST3K episodes on release weekend. Please keep your eyes peeled for that at http://cinema4celbloc.blogspot.com/, but just in case it takes a little longer to make those articles live than I am planning, also please keep those eyes on ice after you peel them.

This week's feature-length film count: 17; 14 first-time viewings and 3 repeats.
Animated shorts seen: 27
Highest rated feature-length film: Kubo and the Two Strings (2016) – 9/9
Lowest rated feature films: Crossroads (2002) and The Colony (2014) – 4/9
Average films per day in April thus far: 2.3
Average films per day in 2017 thus far: 3.02

Kismet (1955) Dir.: Vincente Minnelli – In the past couple of years, I have repeatedly confused the different filmed versions of Kismet. I have recorded the 1944 Marlene Dietrich version at least thrice when the one that I needed to check off my watchlist was the Howard Keel musical version from MGM in 1955. Finally, I trapped the little bugger and quickly dove into the proper Kismet at last. This film does fall into my "put off for too long" category, though I will say that having now seen it, I merely thought it was a good film but not nearly as engaging as I had hoped. The sets and costuming are, assuredly, quite wonderful to behold, and I truly did enjoy Keel's lead role as a poet known as the "King of the Beggars" who uses his wits and his skill with words to position his daughter for a better life as the wife of the Caliph. Keel is quite fun and able in the role, as is a pre-Family Affair and Jungle Book Sebastian Cabot as a grumbly wazir (who, fortunately, does not try to sing). There is a chance that if I manage to record this version of Kismet properly a couple more times in the future that I may grow to like it even more, possibly even to loving it. As it stands right now, my TC4P rating is a solid 6/9.

Bright Road (1953) Dir.: Gerald Mayer – I have recorded this film a couple of times before, but have deleted the recording each time either out of need for DVR space or disinterest at that particular moment. Well, I finally got interested enough to watch it, and now I regret not having visited Bright Road earlier. An early '50s attempt to engage a broader segment of the population beyond the white audience, with the lovely Dorothy Dandridge as a schoolteacher (at a segregated schoolhouse, of course) who has a sweet but troubled student in her class who doesn't quite connect with learning in the normal way. (Gee, I wonder why I connected to this material so quickly? Hmmm...) The always marvelous Harry Belafonte is the principal of the school who allows Dandridge some room (eventually) in trying to figure out the utter puzzle sitting at the little desk before her. It's a quietly paced, often sad tale, but the lead actors do wonders in working with their young cast to make the film a rewarding experience. Surprisingly for a film that is not a musical, Belafonte sings a haunting ballad during one scene that once more reminded me that he had some range beyond his more familiar calypso hits. TC4P rating: 7/9

Fort Dobbs (1958) Dir.: Gordon Douglas – The other tall, western-prone Clint. Someday, I will write more about actor Clint Walker's influence on my youth. He is somewhat of a forgotten man these days, but as a kid in my earliest years, he loomed like a 6-foot, 6-inch god before me on the TV screen. I saw old episodes of his series, Cheyenne, in syndication, and I also remember watching his extremely short-lived series, Kodiak (which lasted all of 4 episodes). I recall the show pretty clearly as we were very excited because the lead character was an Alaskan State Trooper. (For newbies to this site, I was born and partially raised in Anchorage, Alaska.) I also saw Walker in numerous films and TV movies in the '70s, the most memorable of which (for me) were Night of the Grizzly, The White Buffalo, Snowbeast, and the murderous construction equipment epic, Killdozer! (Yes, yes, more on that last one at a later date; I've been itching to talk about that absurd flick – though based on a sci-fi short story classic – for quite a while now.) 

Walker is now long retired from acting and a shocking 89 years old, so I will have to rely on his back catalogue. I have been able to see a couple of his earlier films recently, including Fort Dobbs, a small but gritty western from 1958, one of three in a row that he did with director Gordon Douglas. Walker is a man on the run from the law for shooting down a man (though it was in self-defense) but despite this, he comes to the aid of an entire town fleeing from renegade Comanches (as opposed to regular Comanches). He also has to forge a relationship with the wife (Virginia Mayo) and son (Richard Eyre, the annoying kid genie from 7th Voyage of Sinbad) of the man he shot. Walker is his usual, physically daunting heroic self, but speaking of A Family Affair earlier, that show's dad, Brian Keith, shows up in Fort Dobbs as a truly despicable and obnoxious cad who runs up against Walker when he plans to sell some newfangled repeating rifles to the very Indians that are attacking the town. While at first the film makes it seem they will be friends, their eventual rivalry is quite welcome as everything livens up each time Keith grits his teeth and says something mildly threatening. It's a darker turn from another favorite actor of my youth. The film overall is no great shakes, merely just more western product, but its cast makes it enjoyable enough. Sometimes, mere western product is what the town doc ordered. And if anything, Fort Dobbs once more reinforces my faith in my solo cult of Clint Walker. TC4P Rating: 6/9

The Mind Benders (1963) Dir.: Basil Dearden – When Ben Mankiewicz listed off similar films to The Mind Benders that dealt with brainwashing, he hit the usual suspects, such as The Manchurian Candidate (from the year before this one), A Clockwork Orange, and The Parallax View. And yes, The Mind Benders (especially owing to its name) does deal directly with influencing someone's actions using sophisticated scientific techniques. Lead actor Dirk Bogarde's character is indeed brainwashed to believe that he no longer loves his wife, in an effort (requested by Bogarde) to not only prove that one's mind can be turned completely away from his most strongly held beliefs. But he is also doing it to clear the name of his mentor, who committed suicide after using sensory deprivation therapy but whom the police believe did himself in to escape being caught as a Communist double agent. (Got all that?) 

It's a very twisty, absolute odd experience, but in going back to my opening sentence about the films that Mankiewicz reeled off, the one film he did not mention was Ken Russell's 1981 science fiction opus Altered States (which was penned by the great Paddy Chayefsky). While Altered States was not about brainwashing, but more about the de-evolution of man back to a primordial form – hence its not being cited by Ben M. – it is the film that bears the most resemblance to that which we encounter in The Mind Benders. The use of sensory deprivation equipment is completely the same, and the results of Bogarde's trip also reduces him to a proto-Jekyll and Hyde state, only without the elaborate makeup effects or the appearance of a recognizable monster as in Altered States. But the emotions that his torture bring about in his dealings with his wife are nearly as raw and almost unbearable to watch in moments as any I have seen onscreen, and they made this film truly shocking and memorable. A must-see again for me. TC4P Rating: 8/9

Sandy Wexler (2017) Dir.: Steven Brill – Man, I am reluctant to give this film a good rating, simply because it is Adam Sandler, and it is so hard to recognize when he is being completely shitty or when he is merely decent anymore. In a Netflix Original that premiered that weekend, Sandler plays the title role, a talent manager in the early 1990s who is completely inept at keeping his small stable of talent employed but whose utter sweetness and naiveté keeps them coming back to him. Sandler falls for a songstress played by Jennifer Hudson, and if you are thinking this is a romantic pair that could never, ever happen, well... yeah, I was thinking that too. And the romance part is downplayed through most of the film, but you can never doubt that something will probably bring them together by the end. Sandy Wexler features about a zillion cameos by celebs, and I guess their inclusion is what brings the film to a full two hours in length, where it really should have been a nice 1:35 or 1:40 instead. 

Surprisingly, as much as I wish Sandler would break away from his nebbishy sad sack with a goofy, stuttering voice character, he actually gives Sandy more depth than I was expecting, and there are enough good lines and jokes to just about balance out the film's faults (and it has plenty of those too). I kind of saw the film as existing somewhat in the same world as Judd Apatow's Funny People (which was also quite overlong, had Sandler in the lead, and was possibly the last thing I actually liked him in as well). I am certain there is a lot of Jerry Lewis in Sandler's conception of his main character, and since I was a Lewis nut as a kid, I am able sometimes to see past the whiny stuff that drives other people to distraction, and lie in wait for the hero to emerge from underneath the nerd outfit. I kind of did that here, as enough of the film's other characters give a serious bullying, both physically and verbally, to the poor guy that I couldn't help but root for Wexler to succeed. Surprisingly, I thought the film was good enough for me to actually give a Sandler joint (and not one done for a big league director like Apatow or P.T. Anderson) a positive rating. Miracles do happen. TC4P Rating: 6/9

Crossroads (2002) Dir.: Tamra Davis – Because I am looking out for you guys, I sometimes have to perform the impossible. This time around, I tackled a multiple Razzie-awarded flick that just happen to drift across my path early one morning. I saw Crossroads sitting before me on the channel guide screen, and after checking to see if it was actually the swell Walter Hill blues guitar flick featuring Ralph Macchio and Stevie Vai, I instead saw it was the flop Britney Spears flick from the early part of this century. A lesser man would have wimped out at the prospect of sitting through what must be a total "chick flick," but not this guy. I knew it was on my watchlist, as all films that have been nominated for Razzies are, and so I found myself adopting a "now or never" stance. Later that afternoon, I dug right into what must be the far lesser Crossroads and found out... that I was completely right.

Even with Zoe Saldana as one of the three leads, Crossroads is a dull, utterly predictable mess. It's a road picture where three former childhood besties who have fallen out long before high school graduation find themselves drawn back together by the absolutely most boring things ever placed in a time capsule and then buried for ten years. The one played by Taryn Manning wants to throw caution to the winds and drive from Georgia to California with a hunky guy (a much younger Anson Mount) that she has heard may have killed someone. The reason? To attend an open audition at a recording studio in L.A., though they never really show Manning having any real chops as a singer, despite the girls being involved in a couple of musical sequences (of which Britney is the centerpiece anyway, of course). Somehow, Manning convinces Spears (who wants to find her long-lost mom in Arizona) and Saldana (who is engaged to a guy who is supposedly doing some work in L.A. but is stupidly cheating on her – c'mon, douchebag, it's Zoe Saldana – instead) to travel together to renew their friendship. 

I never knew just how badly someone could fuck up I Love Rock 'n' Roll until you have heard Britney robotically mumble her way through the song in an absolutely unbelievable karaoke number. For a film that is really meant to push Britney product including more albums, the music is so shoddily produced as to make it hard to believe she was ever a major pop star. Most unfortunately, one has to hear the inane lyrics to her semi-hit, I'm Not a Girl, Not Yet a Woman, both spoken as poetry and then sung at least twice in the film and credits. This fluff came from the laptop of Shonda Rhimes, a few years before Grey's Anatomy started. I do not watch anything that Rhimes currently produces or writes, and so I am not going to criticize her writing beyond this film, which is pretty much generic pabulum and completely forgettable apart from its most ridiculous, jaw-dropping moments. Still, I have seen far, far worse films, and I will cut director Tamra Davis a little slack for helming CB4 way back in the day and Dirk Gently episodes most recently. Thus, this one gets a below average rating of 4/9.

This Week in Rixflix #5: April 7-13, 2017

I will admit that I was a bit distracted from watching other films last week, what with the new, eleventh season of Mystery Science Theater 3000 lurking in wait for me by week's end on Netflix.

Actually, I didn't have to wait that long to watch most of it because I was one of the 48,270 people who took part in the Kickstarter campaign, which raised over $5 million total to bring MST3K back as a show. As a result, I got my name in the end credits (there are so many names they split them up between shows; mine shows up in Episode 11), got a whole bunch of goodies like a T-shirt, keychain, soundtrack, and coffee mug (some items still pending), and got to download the entire season in DRM-free files 24 hours before the season premiered on Netflix. (Creator Joel Hodgson made us promise to watch the show on Netflix as much as possible, though, and to save watching the files for a rainy day in the future when we are without internet.)

Best of all, though, we backers got to see the pilot on the Sunday before the Friday, April 14 premiere, as it streamed for us for 24 straight hours, during which I watched the pilot three full times, took part in an exclusive live viewing Q&A chat with Joel and Jonah Ray on YouTube, and then did a side-by-side comparison of the episode next to my DVD copy of Reptilicus, the film torn to shreds by the riffing in the pilot. On Tuesday and Wednesday, we got 48 hours to stream the entire season exclusively, followed by the early downloads on Thursday. Having been a hardcore MSTie ever since the show's first Comedy Channel season in 1989-1990 – unfortunately, I have never lived in Minneapolis, so I didn't see any of the original season's episodes until later –  the events of this week have almost been a dream come true (apart from actually being on the show).

But I did cram in a bunch of films in the two days before that Sunday (7 in all), and then in the brief moments between MST3K showings (I did need a few breaks... didn't want to totally burn out, you know), Jen and I finally watched the Carrie Fisher/Debbie Reynolds doc that was far to painful to view when we recorded it in late December a week after their deaths (which I will write about at a later date), and a few other palate cleansers (and some Canadian cartoons, but more on that next week) that happened across my path. But the overriding theme was the buildup to MST3K, and I can tell you, writing this a few days into the following week, that theme has not let up for me at all. Each day, there has been a little bit of MST3K for me.

The rest of my life might be shit right now, but at least I have the Satellite of Love again...

This week's feature-length film count: 14; 12 first-time viewings and 2 repeats.
Animated shorts seen: 6
Highest rated feature-length films: The Winding Stream (2014), Night Will Fall (2014), and Bright Lights: Carrie Fisher and Debbie Reynolds (2016) – 8/9
Lowest rated film: Reptilicus (1961) – 3/9
Average films per day in April thus far: 2.23
Average films per day in 2017 thus far: 3.08
Consecutive days with at least 1 feature-length film seen: 121

Dead West (2016) Dir.: Jeff Ferrell – The poster of this movie offers up a glaring example of how one (i.e. me) should pay a little more attention to even the most generic artwork when browsing for a movie to watch on Netflix. My eye caught the title, Dead West, the cowboy hat, the gun, and the ominous posing of the figure, and immediately thought the film might be a dark horror western. What I didn't pay enough attention to in the poster was the modern gun in the figure's hand, for Dead West is indeed a dark horror western, but a current one that could even happen in your neighborhood. The low budget, overlong (seriously, two hours) and quite often ponderous story of a serial killer practicing his grim trade in the bars and hotels of the American West, searching for true love but always ending up disappointed in the women he meets, the filmmakers seem to wish they could emulate Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer in style, but have no idea (or the resources) to pull off such a feat off satisfactorily.

I like that the lead actor, Jeffrey Arrington, is basically an everyman schmo in the looks department (the actor may not feel that way, but hey, he's the one who let the camera film him), but I find his character, Tony, more creepy than charming as he sweet-talks his future victims into making the last mistake of their lives. (In much of the promotion and reviews for the film, his character is described as "charming".) And he does it all with dialogue that fails to convince much of the time. The classic "western" tone of the story comes into play in the form of the brother of one of Tony's former girlfriend/victims, who longs for revenge and hits the road to track down the ladykiller and end his reign of terror. I won't say what happens, but rest assured, it will be handled in an unsatisfying fashion, and if you are coming to this film for gore effects, you will not have that great a time either. Though there are a couple of twists that I did find interesting before the end, overall, I felt the film was a disappointment, even if I had no pre-conceived notions going in, apart from the mistaken thinking about it being a dark horror western. With some judicious pruning of about 20 minutes or so, this might have ended up becoming a semi-decent feature, but in its current released form, it is not charming at all, and the only form of danger it conveys it that of being deadly dull. – TC4P Rating: 4/9

Joe Cocker: Mad Dog with Soul (2017) Dir.: John Edginton – Joe Cocker has been in the mix of the music of my life since I was a kid. You Are So Beautiful was known to me before I was a teenager, but it wasn't until I saw John Belushi pull off his amazing impersonation of Cocker's idiosyncratic stage style on Saturday Night Live (on an episode on which Joe Cocker sang) that I really knew who he was. When I saw Woodstock on network television, I got to see Joe in one of his most famous performances, and around that time, he was making a comeback that went through the 1980s. Best of all, though, I had the pleasure to see him live in concert in Anchorage, Alaska, in a fantastic July 24, 1990 show that Joe co-headlined with Stevie Ray Vaughan and Double Trouble. (The opening act was Nicolette Larsen, who was adorable and delightful, and who sang with both headliners later in their respective parts of the show.) The concert took place a month and two days before Vaughan, one of my main guitar heroes at the time (as he still is now), was killed in a helicopter accident in Michigan. But this is about Joe Cocker, who only died relatively recently (in Dec. 2014), and while I had several Cocker albums in my collection over the years, I never really thought much about who he was a person. I knew he had troubles and battled the bottle for many years, but I just kind of accepted that he was this cool musical presence in my life, and never dug into it very much.

Along comes Mad Dog with Soul, a pretty comprehensive documentary about his life, with a pretty even focus across all the various periods of his career. Especially fun was learning about his pre-Woodstock years as a young man growing up in Sheffield, England. I guess that I always figured Joe was this being from outer space who came down with this amazing voice and style intact, but it was eye-opening to see his early years of struggle with his own teenage band, his off-kilter approach to everything not necessarily making things smooth for him in society, and his daytime job as a gasfitter while he worked the clubs in a variety of bands, which resulted in an unsatisfying recording contract that eventually withered. When he formed the Grease Band in 1966, he seemed to find the musicians he needed to propel him to stardom. His first 1969 album, With a Little Help from My Friends (and its Beatles-covering, massive hit single of the same name) set him up for his appearance at Woodstock and then his famously crazed Mad Dogs and Englishmen tour, which also brought great notice to his bandleader, Leon Russell. He had several big hits along the way, but by the mid-'70s, the cracks began to show. Alcohol and heroin addiction took over his life. While he cleaned himself up and launched his comeback that led to Up Where We Belong winning Grammys and an Oscar, he also wrestled with his demons for many years afterward. Continuing to perform and record to the end, when he died in 2014, Cocker's iconic stature was such that it is almost disgusting he is not in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. I felt that before I saw Mad Dog with Soul, but thanks to how deeply the film digs into his roots and helped me to understand the artist so fully, his eventual inclusion is now a cause with me. Joe must be honored... – TC4P Rating: 7/9

Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron (2002) Dir.: Kelly Asbury and Lorna Cook – Over a decade ago when I still lived up in Alaska, my best friend was dating another friend of mine who had a young daughter named Grace. Little Grace was awfully fond of an animated movie about wild horses called Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron, and at a series of parties over the period of a year or so, Grace would pretend that I was Spirit the Stallion, and would feed me hay and lead me around with invisible reins. (Grace would actually call me, "Spiwit: Stallion offa Cimmawon" but we adults would further garble the language to insist she was saying "Scallion offa Cinnamon".) It wasn't horsey of the sort that many kids play; I never got my back broken by having to ride some little kid around on it. The play was more respectful and gentle, and I remember being told when I didn't show up for one party that Grace asked if Spirit was going to show up that night. That kind of thing just about broke my heart hearing it.

Here's the catch: while I am a huge animation fan, I had not actually seen Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron at that time. Nor had I seen it until last week, when it popped up in an early morning Saturday showing on HBO. Now's the time, I said. Grace and her parents were down here at Disneyland in late February, and I revealed to the now-teenage Grace that I had never seen the film. She was shocked by this, and last week, I decided to make things right. Now, while I knew it was nominated for an Oscar for Best Animated Feature, I was still not expecting myself to actually enjoy the film. I was also dreading having to listen to anthropomorphized horses talking to each other through 90 minutes of film; yes, much of the animation I watch does have anthropomorphized animals discussing all manner of things, but I was worried about the tone of the film. To my surprise, Spirit mostly keeps the horses as they normally behave, except for a few facial expressions that I have never seen on a real horse, and with a greater understanding of the human world around them as well.

Otherwise, this is a remarkably natural film in regards to the basic behavior of the wild horses, and the more than slightly preachy tone of the narrative luckily falls into my general worldview (white man mostly horrid, Native Americans murdered and robbed of their lands and cultures, animals and natural resources ravaged and abused). I thought the color palette was lovely, and the combination of hand-drawn and computer animation to be lovingly mixed and thoroughly engaging. A bit overlong considering its target audience, though that was not much of a problem for me, with the only things that really bothered me being the Bryan Adams' song score (which had to have felt dated already in 2002, the year of its release) and the narration by Matt Damon as Spirit telling his tale (without actually speaking directly in front of the camera), which I felt was fairly unnecessary, though again, not enough to stop me enjoying the film. There you go, Grace... I have finally caught up to you. – TC4P Rating: 7/9

Now, back to MST3K...

Hidden Underground (in Plain Sight)

I have owned a copy of The Hidden, Jack Sholder's sci-fi action classic (yes, I said it), since it first came out on VHS not long after its theatrical release in 1987. Watched that tape dozens of times, leading to a need to replace it eventually, and then I did an upgrade to the film when it came out on DVD years ago.

As much as I have seen The Hidden though, and even though I still own a copy, I feel that when a channel like Turner Classic Movies decides to show such a film on their TCM Underground slot late on Saturday nights, that I should do my part to support their decision to air it. So, even though I own The Hidden, I recorded it last night (they paired it with director Mike Hodges' 1974 take on Michael Crichton's novel, The Terminal Man) and watched it this afternoon, to give its showing whatever minute smidgen of ratings percentage that I can to tell TCM that I love it when they show films like this.

It's for the same reason that I watch the Universal classics on Svengoolie’s show as frequently as possible, even if he does chop the films up with commercial breaks. It's why I have followed Elvira through her various show incarnations over the last 35 years. Or the same reason I threw in my small support for MST3K's eventual return this year. And every once in a while, I will even scout the public access channels and find locals who have produced their own variations on horror host shows. Most are terrible What can I say? I have a lifelong fondness for sci-fi, horror, and exploitation films, and I especially love when airtime is committed to showcasing them on television (and now online).

Sadly, TCM Underground has not been hosted for quite some time. Rob Zombie was the original host, but that apparently went over like a lead balloon, and so TCM just shows a couple of genre films back to back with a neat lead-in sequence. The natural fit for TCM Underground would be somebody like Joe Bob Briggs, though I doubt they have any plans to bring a host back to the show. But, as long as TCM takes a small break every weekend from its normal fare (believe me, I watch an awful lot of that as well) and shows films like The Hidden, I will be there. Even if I do own the film already...

RTJ

Recently Rated Movies #11: We Just Let You Think We're Part of the Human Race...

A pleasant surprise this weekend was taking a remote control stroll past the Orange County Public Access channel late Saturday evening and discovering that some dementedly wonderful person was running Teenagers from Outer Space, a zero-budgeted and profoundly terrible movie from 1959. 

I came into the film about five minutes in, so I had to wait until they showed it again later that evening to find out if it was some yuckster's regularly scheduled bad movie show, hopefully graced with cheesy host segments before and after. It turns out that the latter wish was not to be, but neither was I able to ascertain whether it was a regular show either, as it was not actually on the scrolling index for the channel that runs between every program. So, now I will just have to wait until next Saturday night to see if they roll another science fiction anti-classic.

Ray guns that disintegrate clothing and flesh but not bones (portrayed by cheap plastic skeletons), a cute ingenue with a cross between a Louise Brooks and Bettie Page wig-do, the most stiffly, sub-community theatre acting level uncle in the history of the cinema, and lobster shadows that grow to gigantic proportions (though they are called "Gargons," they are undisguisedly lobsters in form) are unleashed upon the viewers. I was in "B" movie heaven.

The last few times I have seen the film was on the late, lamented MST3K, and I had not seen it in its non-robot puppet version since I was a teenager. Poor Sparky the dog, reduced immediately at the beginning of the film to a pile of bones; and yet, he becomes the chief proponent of the plot as his dog license tag survives the ray gun blast (but somehow his collar does not). [A side note: many good friends of mine will remember the dog-frying scene from our numerous viewings of It Came From Hollywood on video in the '80s.] The rebellious teenager from outer space, who goes by the popular interplanetary monicker of Derek, surmises quite correctly that this creature must have been someone's pet, and goes off in search of the owner. Luckily for him, Sparky's owner is a hot girl, and then the intergalactic whoopee commences!

Sure, the film is unintentionally funny enough to fill 27 movies and is inspiringly amateurish in every single regard; yet, it is still weirdly compelling, and it doesn't really require the Mystery Science gang to get you through it. I was delighted to run into the film in the middle of the night on a nothing station, as it reminded me of how I used to find my science-fiction and horror thrills as a teenager: almost completely at random, never knowing what film you were going to see, and without having any choice in the matter. You just tuned in and watched whatever you got, and also wherever you happened to tune into it. I really miss that feeling.

A planned viewing that I had this weekend was finally watching my recording of Seven Men from Now, which sounds like a gay porn title, but is actually a quite intriguing and enjoyable western from Budd Boetticher, for whom this film was the first of seven consecutive team-ups with Randolph Scott. Of their films, I had only seen The Tall T and Comanche Station previously, but had read about this film quite a lot over the years. So when TCM showed Seven Men for the first time a couple weeks back in conjunction with a documentary about the director and bullfighter called Budd Boetticher: A Man Can Do That, I made sure to set the DVR up for its recording.

It seems a generic western until you get deep into it, and then you discover a couple of well-choreographed gun battles, some excellent camera set-ups and location usage, a fun dose of sexual suggestion, and a scene of Scott suffering severe psychological torture at the hands of the conniving yet charismatic snake-in-the-grass Lee Marvin, who completely swipes the picture out from under the stoic Scott. I'm sure Scott could have cared less, because once the film is finished, there is a shot of him with gun drawn that resonates deeply with the viewer, and I have had it stuck in my cranium since I finished watching the film, which I now believe to be a piece of subtle, unshowy genius. It is now the next film that I shall purchase on DVD.

The List:
The Goldwyn Follies (1938) TCM - 5
Jaws (1975) DVD - 9
Teenagers from Outer Space (1959) PUAOC - 2
Kingukongu no gyakushu [King Kong Escapes] (1967) DVD - 4
Batman Begins (2005) DVD - 8
Gojira: Fainaru uozu [Godzilla: Final Wars] (2004) DVD - 6
Kingukongu tai Gojira [King Kong Versus Godzilla] (1962) DVD - 4
Seven Men from Now (1956) TCM - 7
Around the World (1943) TCM - 5
Swing Your Lady (1938) TCM - 4
Swing Fever (1943) TCM - 5
Night Must Fall (1937) TCM - 6
Budd Boetticher: A Man Can Do That (2005) TCM - 7
The Producers (1968) TCM - 8