Stomp! Stomp! Stomp! ...and Stomp! Stomp! Stomp! again...

Casting my ballot for just one “monster” today, and if any election is rigged, it’s this one, because I am casting my vote for Shin Gojira twice! Pretty certain Godzilla wins just about any debate he attends, though I think that “staring guy” might knock him back a bit.

I'm taking the day to head into the Block at Orange to watch the new Godzilla import – a.k.a Godzilla: Resurgence – twice in a row (with a bit of a lunch/writing break in-between) in its sadly small release week. Jen has to work today, so she is just going to drop me off there, but this isn't really her thing anyway. If she were off, she would still go see it with me, but I would probably just get to see it once. I guess whether this has worked out in my favor depends on whether the film is any good or not.

RTJ

Gamera Vs. All Mankind - Act III: Requiem

An impromptu storyboard page by my brother for Act III

A little, long-unfinished business here to which I must attend...

Under the Cinema 2 tab that now adorns the top of the Pylon, alongside the brace of other tabs to which I was recently given the means of installation, I have built a page featuring the initial sketch version of Gamera Vs. All Mankind, a short, operatic, animated film that my brother and I contrived based on somewhat of a dare from my best pal Leif.

I will dispense with the full story here, as I will be adding it to the Cinema 2 screen in the near future, where I have also placed the libretto for Acts I and II for those interested in what the wholly synthesized voices in the cartoon are singing. However, as all of this business was initially published on the website that I had built as the ultimate destination for those who visited the Pylon, it seems that I neglected to published Act III of Gamera vs. All Mankind here as a regular post.

If you are at all interested, click here to watch the very rough sketch version of our would-be kaijû opera cartoon and read the first two acts. We never got around to doing the sketch version of the third act, and the music for it was never completed either, but you can read the lyrics to get the general idea of how it was to be concluded. At some point in the future, I would love to finally get around to fully producing the short to completion, but there are a lot of obstacles to work out first.

Gamera Vs. All Mankind

A kaijû opera in three tiny acts

Music by Mark Otis Johnson
Libretto by Rik Tod Johnson

ACT III: Requiem

[As the two ships head furiously for the island’s shore, the pirates/scientists have turned their theme “Bigger and Better Things” into a near-sea shanty, which they indulge themselves in as they prepare their weaponry for landfall... ]

Pirates/Scientists
Yo Ho! Ho Yo!
To bigger and better things!
Yo Ho! Ho Yo!
To bigger and better things!

We’ll add Gamera to the extinction list
And put wads of money in our fist!
Yo Ho! Ho Yo!
To bigger and better things!

[The ships reach the island at positions far down the beach from each other. Hasigawa, now seemingly mad in love with a girl he has never really met, lifts his eyepatch to search down the beach for Rainbow. As it turns out, each of the major players is searching for something at this time…]

Hasigawa
Where?
Where did she go to?
Once I thought my heart would fill
Now I fear it’s empty still…

[Rainbow is searching her cabin desperately so she can doll up for Hasigawa; Mr. Aoyagi, the translator, stands behind her trying the missing object out on himself, smacking his lips and dabbing them on a tissue in a mirror.]

Rainbow
Where?
Where is my lip gloss?
I want to plant one on that hottie!
What the hell! I want his body!

Morimoto
[Peering through a telescope]
There!
Far down the shore!
In that quay there lies our quarry!
Men, we must hurry
Or poor Gamera may die
And we’ll all be--!!

Takada
[Peering back through his own telescope, reading Morimoto’s lips…]
Sorry??!!
Why must he worry?
He doesn’t realize
That everything I do
Is for our country’s greater glory!
I will lead us…

Pirates/Scientists
[Wheeling cannons, howitzers and all manner of arms across the beach…]
Yo Ho! Ho Yo!
To bigger and better things!

[All of the parties start rushing across the sands towards each other, each one singing their part of the quartet…]

Hasigawa
Where?
Where is she now?
Rainbow
Here!
I'm ready for him!

Morimoto
Now,
I fear the worst, men!
Hasigawa
Where?

Rainbow
Here!

Morimoto
[pointing at the pirate/scientists]
There!

Takada
[pointing at the Greenpeace team]
There!

All
NOW!!

[There is a beat as Hasigawa and Rainbow come face to face in front of the two warring factions. Rainbow jumps at Hasigawa, throws her arms around him and knocks him into some nearby bushes. Clothes come flying out into the air. Another beat, as the translator looks at the warriors, and then he, too, jumps into the bushes. The battle commences, with much bloodshed and death and general gnashing of teeth. After several moments, the noise and din of the battle is broken up by something even louder… the terrifying cry of Gamera, the giant flying turtle.

All of the survivors stop to stare at the creature, who is standing there holding a giant cup of tea, and wearing fuzzy bunny slippers on his feet, looking as if his solace has been disturbed. In the palm of one giant turtle hand sits little Toshio, who has at last found his protector. The pirate/scientists raise their weapons and charge Gamera, putting up siege towers and blasting cannons at him; the Greenpeace warriors raise their weapons at the pirate/scientists and charge them at the same time.

Gamera, however, having no need for either side, shoots flames out of his mouth, incinerating the whole lot of them. Soon, every human on the island is a charred pile of ashes except for Toshio, Rainbow, and Hasigawa, who have come up for air from behind the rock where they were making out, and Mr. Aoyagi, the Translator, who pops up with them. Gamera growls at the Translator.]

Toshio
I beg you, Mister Man,
What did Gamera say?

Mr. Aoyagi, the Translator
He, uh, asks what brings you here today?

Toshio
Oh, you see…
My daddy told me,
Because he works in the Diet…

[Gamera raises an annoyed eyebrow, and then burns Toshio to a crisp, either because he hates politicians or the kid’s annoying sing-song voice or both.]

Toshio

AAAAHHH!!!

[Gamera then starts to spin about, jets blasting from the four limb-holes in his shell and jets off into the sky.

[As he and an ever-smiling Rainbow get dressed behind the bushes, Hasigawa lights up a cigarette from the flaming skull of a nearby burnt body, puts his eyepatch back on (but over the opposite eye), grimly looks at Rainbow, and walks away without saying a word. He climbs aboard the IKR ship and sails off.]

Rainbow
Wait! Tadashi!
Where are you going?
Why must love bring such stings?

[The translator walks up behind her, also smoking a cigarette that he lit from the charred remains of Toshio. He stares at the boat sailing off and looks unblinkingly at the sad, skimpily dressed girl.]

Rainbow
I don’t understand.
How could he ever go?

Mr. Aoyagi, the Translator
It’s… it’s…

Rainbow
Complicated.
Yes, I know.

Mr. Aoyagi, the Translator
[winking at Rainbow]
To bigger and better things?

[Rainbow grabs him and throws him behind the bushes. Clothes go flying into the air.]

FINE 

Gamera Vs. All Mankind, Copyright © 2006-2011 Silly N' Serious Productions.
Libretto, Copyright © 2006-2011 Rik Tod Johnson.
Music, Copyright © 2006-2011 Mark Otis Johnson.
All Rights Reserved.

No Shelving Left: Demeking (2009) and Giants & Toys (1958)

Every once in a while, you have to take a chance. (I'd use the phrase "leap of faith," but that just gets you holy wars.) I get restless and impatient when I hear about a film and know that it is available on DVD (and sometimes has been out for a good while in that format), but cannot find it on Netflix. Actually, you can usually find it on Netflix, but it comes with one of those annoying green "Save" rectangles, the result of which is very little information as to when Netflix might be getting that title.

And so I hit Amazon. If that is a bust, then it becomes a search for the movie company's website or even eBay, though I cannot stand that site. But I can generally find that for which I am searching on Amazon.

Thus it went for two titles I came across about a week ago whilst flitting about the 'nets, both of of which were Japanese releases about which I had previously heard nada. This is not unusual. I am not a haunter of other film or DVD sites (except those which see fit to return the favor), and so new releases or film trends tend to only hit me in a glancing way. I am rushing past everything in my world these days -- where time has increasingly become a premium -- and so I only pick up on things in the periphery.

However, I am very good at following up if something even catches my interest slightly, and so it was that I ended up ordering, sight unseen, two Japanese films whose premises intrigued me enough to warrant a swift purchase from Amazon, once I surmised that Netflix was going to fail me utterly once again. Luckily, I was able to grab them for less than $30 total (always check the alternate new and used versions underneath the retail price area, where I always shoot for "new" if I can help it), and since I have Amazon Prime shipping set up, I already have them in my possession.

It's true. I will never truly grow up, and I will certainly never grow out of daikaiju films. For the uninitiated, that means Japanese giant monster movies. No matter what strides I have made in my overall taste for quality filmmaking, I still need to see some stunt guy mucking about in a rubber costume every once in while, knocking down cardboard buildings and making a general wreck of everything in sight. It's some form of therapy, I suppose, and it represents a large portion of my internal happy place. But while I revel in the simplicity of the form, I am always open to filmmakers attempting to take the basic kaiju formula and expounding upon it, bringing some new elements into the mix or attempting to take it to a more exalted level. Such was my delight, whatever demerits others might give them, in Cloverfield and The Host, two recent exercises in doing just what I described.

When I ran across the title Demeking the Sea Monster [Demekingu], I thought "Oh, it looks like just another kaiju film," which translates in Rik speak to "I've got to see this right away!" Even warnings that the titular monster only appears late into the film and only sparingly at that did not sway me. The premise was interesting enough -- a man in 1969 uncovers a prophecy relating to the attack of a creature from the stars which won't occur for another 50 years, and begins preparations to do battle with the creature -- and the few images I could find of the creature seemed fun enough to warrant spending 11 bucks (since Netflix was an epic fail in this department) on getting the Cinema Epoch DVD release via a seller on Amazon.

Having now watched the film, there was so much more to it than expected. There is a vibe not unlike Stand By Me (perhaps intentional, though still very different in execution) to the proceedings, and seems to make darkly satirical comments on the nature of "the hero's journey." I quite enjoyed the film, though yes, the comments about the length and attention actually paid to Demeking are accurate, though she has a pretty goofy but cool design to her. (I am guessing her since she lays eggs everywhere, but then you know how twitchy those space monsters that land on earth via asteroid can be sexually.) I am not regretting my purchase in the least, but it does make me wonder if there is a sequel in the works out there of which I am unaware. The story comes from a popular manga, and you know how long some of those things can be. That things are left relatively up in the air is pretty definitely laid out, so maybe there is potential for more?

The second film is a Japanese mass media satire from 1958 called Giants & Toys [Kyojin to gangu], directed by Yasuzo Masumura. I had honestly never heard of the film before last weekend, though I had seen two of Masumura's films previously, both of them far more sexually oriented in nature: the absolutely crazy, psychosexual horror epic, Blind Beast [Môjû] from 1969, and the middle segment of the Hanzo the Razor films, Razor 2: The Snare [Goyôkiba: Kamisori Hanzô jigoku zeme] from 1973.

I won't get around to watching Giants & Toys until this weekend, but the basic setup is that a trio of candy companies are doing battle over the selling of caramel, and one of them introduces a new "fugly" spokesperson for their candies. The tomboy with hideous teeth becomes an overnight sensation via some campaign which seems to involve spacesuits, ray guns and squirrels, but things apparently begin to go awry from there. The film is said to satirize just about everything in sight: business ethics, media culture, commercial advertising. Perhaps to push this point, the Fantoma DVD box not only goes so far as to compare it to Will Success Spoil Rock Hunter?, but also name-drops its director, Frank "Tish Tash" Tashlin (the former Warner Bros. cartoon director), as well as Billy Wilder and Dr. Strangelove.

Hard to say if any of this holds up with my eventual viewing, and I could be out 15 bucks if it ends sucking, but its certainly a lot more promising than waiting around for Netflix to start carrying the film. As I said, sometimes you have to take a chance. I blew $16 four weeks ago to watch what turned out to be a crappy, mostly-2D but supposedly 3D Wes Craven film in the theatre, so sometimes these chances backfire. But that whole "cracking eggs and omelet" thing holds up pretty well over time, so the only thing to do now is watch the movie and see.

[Editor's Note: When Giants & Toys was first looked up on Netflix over a week ago by yours truly, I did indeed get one of those annoying green Save boxes. However, it now has Add instead. I don't know if something occurred where it went down briefly and long enough for me to go hellfire crazy and order it, but I have found other reviews since where the writer had rented it via Netflix. So, no one's bad, but confusion all around. And by "all around," I mean just me...]

Flickchart Comment #25: The War of the Gargantuas (1966) vs. Don't Go in the Woods (1980)

To put it mildy, The War of the Gargantuas [Japanese title: Furankenshutain no kaijû: Sanda tai Gaira], a daikaiju eiga from Toho Studios in 1966, is a largely ridiculous flick.  Giant, furry goofball twins -- one green, one brown; one evil, one gentle -- are brought to life from the cells of the giant Frankenstein's monster from an earlier film [Frankenstein vs. Baragon] and then battle each other to the death, laying waste along the way to the surrounding countryside and then the city. There is gratuitous American actor placement (the then already washed up Russ Tamblyn), there is a giant octopus battle, the usual King Kong swiping-the-girl homage/rip, and lots of people getting eaten by the green Gargantua. It's basically a Godzilla film (much of the same crew and actors; likewise, the director, Ishirō Honda) except that the lead monsters are different, and it is a lot of very psychotronic fun.

The immediate reaction many will have to The War of the Gargantuas is "It sounds like a really terrible film!" Understood, but have you seen Don't Go in the Woods, a slash-by-numbers flick from 1980? Well, please don't... there is really nothing to see here. A lot of blood, not particularly well-filmed and absolutely without real fright or even mild suspense. It brings up the age-long battle when faced with two films that seem on the surface to both be terrible. Neither film in this match-up is actually anywhere near the "good film" territory, but there is a world of difference between a film like Woods, which does nothing so much as make pot-watching a much preferred mode of torture, and Gargantuas, which entertains in a very childlike manner, but entertains nonetheless.

My argument against Plan 9 from Outer Space being the Worst Film of All Time is that the one thing Plan 9 is not is boring; it is consistently so insanely bad that it becomes compelling. Gargantuas is nowhere near as badly made as Plan 9 -- it is competently filmed by actual professionals for a major studio -- but it is one of those films that makes you feel as though someone slipped something in your economy sized soda pop, so odd are the visuals (combined with the score) that assault you throughout the film. Woods has nothing going for it. The battle goes to both Gargantuas, whether brown or green!

Does Fry's Come with That Flying Turtle?

In the past few months, Raw Meat and I have instituted a semi-regular special holiday at work. It only happens on the last day of the work week, and it usually coincides with a paycheck upon which the immediate rendering of the rent money for that month is not a major issue, i.e. it happens in the middle of the month.

We call these days "Fry's Days," because we take off for a slightly elongated lunchtime and go to Fry's Electronics down the road a piece.

I am going to avoid any controversial issues regarding their business practices, and just say this: if you are unlucky enough to not have a Fry's Electronics in your neck of the woods, I feel sorry for you. Fry's can be best described as a sloppier, less corporate-looking version of Best Buy. The place is not what you would call "well-scrubbed," many of the fixtures need serious repair, and the owners are prone to placing some ridiculously out-of-date promotional materials out on the floor, most likely just because they can. Also, if you are looking for a particular new title or even a regularly stocked one, good luck. Things are placed as haphazardly upon the shelves as possible, and even if they are in the right place at one point, it won't be for long.

But beyond that, Fry's is gorgeous. It's a geek paradise, especially for geeks who are constantly looking for out-of-the-blue deals on computer and audio/video software and hardware. And the place is constantly busy, almost a mini-city of its own right here in Anaheim. It's no wonder the place has its own deli right smack in the middle of its massive structure, and also no wonder the place is stocked to the brim with about a half-mile of refrigerated soda and energy drinks. And there are so many bags and packages of high-carb snacks, Fry's may actually have to create their own zombies to mine the extra salt. There is also an area with massage chairs, which is usually laden with at least a dozen customers at any given time. If you think the people checking them out are seriously considering purchasing one of those chairs, then there's a refurbished Commodore 64 in Aisle 12 I think you should slap some money down. It's the coming thing...

Me? I come for the video. Not the hardcore porno variety, which they do carry. The amazing thing is that the section is right next to the regular video software, each row shrouded by black cards, but still readily available for perusing. Fry's has a massive amount of videos, possibly tripling Best Buy's output (don't quote me on it; it's just a guess). Raw Meat and I show up, and he takes off for the computer peripherals and perhaps a demo game of Guitar Hero or this and that. Me? I hit the DVD racks.

For several months now, I have been eyeing on the shelves at Fry's, with the view of trying to slowly complete my kaiju collection, the box set of late '90s Gamera films. This set -- containing Gamera: Guardian of the Universe (1995), Gamera: Attack of Legion (1996) and Gamera: Revenge of Iris (1999) -- has constantly been hidden behind a copy of what I call the "fake "Gamera box set. This particular box set is the same case for the full set, but with only a copy of Guardian of the Universe inside, along with a chunk of styrofoam holding the place where the purchaser would eventually place the other two movies once they were bought. I don't know how long Fry's has had this particular "fake" set, since the other two movies came out long, long ago on DVD, but there it is.

Once upon a time -- and here's the twist, and the set-up for what some kaiju fan somewhere might call a miracle -- these two box sets did not sit, one in front of the other. Once, they sat slightly apart from each other, with a couple of public domain copies of other older Gamera films betwixt them. And then one day, a fair-haired former Alaskan blundered into the place and saw the full Gamera box set, and not having the means to purchase it at exactly that moment, hid the full Gamera box set behind the "fake" one. The Alaskan had seen the haphazard manner in which the movies where kept, and realized that, with just a wee bit of luck, he could possibly come back in the near future and still manage to get this item.

That "near future" time was supposed to be two weeks. It turned into three months. Other trips were taken to Fry's in that span, and though the Alaskan checked to make sure the full Gamera box set was still there on each trip, he somehow always managed to have his attention (and his pocket money) diverted by some other cause. Not the hardcore porno videos, but some other cause.

And then the Alaskan checked on Amazon a couple of weeks ago, thinking perhaps he would purchase the full Gamera box set that way, and discovered to his immediate shock that the full Gamera box set was now out-of-print. Even recently, it was still considered a "new" item on Amazon, but there it was, with the usual horde of out-of-print specialists offering up even the cheapest copies at a mere $49.99, where once it sold new at $35. Sensing that soon this price would go up ever higher to a point where it would be Bedlam-worthy ridiculous to pay $200 for a set of three great-to-OK films about a giant flying turtle, the Alaskan knew what he had to do: make one more attempt at a trip to Fry's, and see if the full Gamera box set was still hidden behind the "fake" one.

And thus came last "Fry's Day," where the attempt for what could perhaps be the final ascent was made, and caught between the burning hot sunlight of the day and the tempestuous moods of his fellows, the Alaskan managed to traverse the vast expanses of the Fry's show floor, clawed his way through hordes of incidental shoppers and brain-dead teenagers, and reach the "Science Fiction G" rack in the DVD section. The Alaskan reached out and struggled to move the "fake" Gamera set forward with a strenuous but simple flick of his forefinger. With a mighty crash, the imposter set fell slightly towards him, and there it was -- still shining slightly in the place where it was abandoned formerly, lo those many moons ago -- the full Gamera box set!

And now it is in the Alaskan's pale, sunlight-sensitive hands. He has defied the odds -- that someone would come along in those three months and simply move or buy the DVD set -- and he has at last completed his epic quest. [It is also possible that he vastly overrated the needs of the Anaheim public to purchase cheesy flying turtle videos.]

And now, at last, the Alaskan finally has time to peruse the hardcore porno videos at Fry's. No raincoat required, except possibly the customers surrounding him might be warned to wear theirs. Methinks there's a storm on the horizon...

Godzilla Raids Again... Free At Last!

Having gone to the new Pirates flick twice in four days over Memorial Day weekend (and this is not intended as any sort of criticism of the film itself), I came to a realization. Jen's passion for pirate flicks (which existed far before the Depp trilogy) is all-encompassing, and rather than skip what seems to be a rote attempt at seafaring action, she will watch it like the swashbuckling-mad buccaneer zombie that she is. It's Automatic Watching instead of Writing. Despite a couple days at work where her equally Disney-faithful co-workers complained about what was wrong with the new Pirates, she maintained a passion to see it again on Monday, and the night after Friday's inaugural viewing, she was sitting on our couch, rocking her feet against the coffee table, bouncing up and down to the music playing only in her head, and anything I said was drowned out by the movie's sword-clanging finale that she maintained was still crashing behind her eyes.

One could think, "Your girl is crazy!", and sure, we all are to a certain degree. The girl is pirate-mad. I like pirate flicks, too (I am huge Flynn fan and The Crimson Pirate with Burt Lancaster is one of my personal favorites from childhood), but I don't have this reflexive mode where I immediately have to click on or go to every film featuring a scraggly sea-robber in a dirty bandanna. When I first knew her, and for several years after, I actually felt Jen acted this way about mysteries (if it's Marple or Poirot, we apparently have to watch it) or BBC comedies, but there are limits even to these. I would offer that her pirate love has a limit; she often says that it is the romantic, fictionalized pirate that she adores, and not the real-life criminal type that exists to a certain degree even today. But since these are rarely featured in films or televised fiction, I will grant her the rights to this genre addiction, if only to proffer up mine in comparison.

There are those who would believe, and would use this site for proof, that horror and science fiction would be my equal to Jen's pirate fixation. This is wrong, for both horror and science fiction (like my assumption of Jen's view of the mystery genre) cast far too wide a net to be realistic as points of absolute fixation. There is much in both genres that I have no interest in seeing, even if, by the curse of my own movie rules, I will see any movie once. However, it is in sub-genres where we find my own personal downfall. It is in a strange mix of both horror and science fiction (and some would say "comedy", as well, though this is usually unintentional), and it is the Giant Monster Movie. Not just daikaiju eiga flicks (Japanese giant monster movies), but even Them! or The Beast from 20,000 Fathoms (I should say, "Especially, The Beast from 20,000 Fathoms"). It is no surprise that all of this stems from my extant Kong love, and also, due to my ancient history with that giant ape, movie dinosaurs of all sizes have been sucked into the mix. If you want to see a guy, in a roughly comparable scenario to Jen's need to attend every Disney Pirate release instantly, that has no defense against the eventual Jurassic Park 4, then look my way.

Lately, a lot of kaiju flicks have been showing up at my doorstep, and I am sure Jen believes I am tossing my money away like so many used tissues after a Jenna Haze marathon. I might be, but I cannot help it. Classic Media, over the course of the last six months, has been releasing a series of rather comprehensive DVDs featuring several Shōwa era Godzilla films to which they have obtained the rights. Sadly, the entire run of Godzilla films won't be released in Classic Media's format and casing (the rights for the remaining films are too far flung to other uncaring companies to allow this to happen), but I will take what I can. The initial release, Gojira, popped up last year; two more were made available by the end of the year (though not on Amazon, in an odd situation, until months later), and two more are on the horizon next week. (There will also be a couple other daikaiju eiga DVDs released later on, including the original Rodan and the awesomely weird War of the Gargantuas). The films are released under the banner "The Toho Collection", and this doubles the shame that the entire series can't be put together for this package. Purist fanboys complained about some artifacting and the other usual stuff that the homeward bound have time to complain about, but what I loved about the first disc was the fact I could finally see the Japanese version of a film that I already loved in its bastardized American form. It was a profound revelation, and I doubt I will ever watch the American version again. Godzilla had finally come home to me, and when it did, it was in his truest form.

Another disc; another Godzilla; another slapped-together American release that I grew up watching, never knowing what I was missing. Godzilla Raids Again, the second DVD from the Classic Media collection, followed the original film by a year or two in Japan, but by several years in the States. Through some very odd reasoning, the U.S. producers felt it important to disguise the identity of their giant creature, and the film was released as Gigantis the Fire Monster, confusing millions of youngsters for years in the process. They also cut out about half of the Japanese version, and poured rather haphazardly on its remains what seems to be several reels of random stock footage and bad animation (in the film shown to the scientists). The film made little sense to me as a youth, but then, monster movies, especially giant monster movies, aren't generally known for their depth of plot or characterizations. It's usually all about the monster action, whether stomping a city, devouring fishermen, or battling a similarly large monster. Who cares what the human are up to, unless they are a hot Japanese chick, or if the humans are being squashed or eaten? This film features Godz -- er -- Gigantis battling an ankylosaur-like creature called Anguirus. (Unfortunately, Anguirus is a quadraped, and this requires the stuntman in the suit to muck about in a rather silly fashion, displaying the limits of a biped masquerading as a quad.)

I will not go into the differences between the two versions of the film -- that is what watching the superb DVD is for -- but I will remark that, although once again the Japanese version definitely trumps the American one, in this case, as it is with many sequels, we are struck with the Law of Diminished Returns. Godzilla Raids Again is only half as good as its remarkable predecessor, but it is still fun nonetheless, and the fact we are discussing pure fun implies that it is without the emotional and political impact of the first film. If this seems like faint praise, it is -- Gojira is a film to be discussed; Godzilla Raids Again is merely there to be enjoyed as a simple monster movie, which in fact, is the way of most daikaiju eiga, even the ones that attempt to be something more, from this point on.

And yet, I had the urge to see it over again, and also, to own a personal copy. So much of my video collection has consisted of cheapjack video knockoffs, such as the Goodtimes VHS I owned of this movie (and, even then, only of the American version), that it made the DVD purchase a literal no-brainer. To be able to see such a film in its uncut form and in its language of origin, and without all of that b.s. that short-minded Hollywood producers brought to its U.S. release, is probably the purest pleasure one can derive from such a venture. I look forward to the future run of Classic Media Godzillas for exactly the same thrill -- seeing old favorites with new eyes, even if those eyes are seeing something it should have been given a chance to see properly in the first place.

Gojira no gyakushû [Godzilla Raids Again]
Dir.: Motoyoshi Oda // Toho, Japanese, 1955 [DVD]
Cinema 4 Rating: 5

Gigantis, the Fire Monster (American version of Gojira no gyakushû)
Cinema 4 Rating: 3

My Corns Always Hurt When They're Near A Monster! [The Ballad of Kong Pt. 7]

[Want more Kong? Read Pt. 1, Pt. 2, Pt. 3, Pt. 4, Pt. 5, and Pt. 6 first!]

Let's get this straight right from the beginning: Even in a flat-out test of pure strength, Godzilla is going to nail King Kong to the wall. Godzilla, even in his clownish hero persona of the late '60s-early '70s, is still going to clean the clock with the mighty Kong. Godzilla, even at the lowest estimates of his height (say around 200') is still several times bigger than the true Kong, who ranges from 25 to 50 feet, depending on the scene in which he appears.

Remember, Godzilla is sung about in the theme song to the '70s Hanna-Barbera cartoon series as being "40 stories high". Using ten feet as an average for a story in a building, that's 400 feet tall right there, people. Even at half that size, Godzilla can easily step on Kong and then scrape him off his foot onto Mt. Fuji, if he chose, and I haven't even begun to factor in his radioactive breath, which is far more effective in his current incarnation. [Editor's note: "current incarnation" referred to his status as of 2005. The most recent Godzilla film was Godzilla: Final Wars, where the Big G full-on blasts the American 'Zilla from 1998 into the Sydney Opera House in about 30 seconds of screen time. In that film, Godzilla kicked major ass.]

But, the Kong that Toho rented from RKO in the '60s was a different breed of cat... er, ape. He suddenly equaled Big G in height and strength, and mostly shrugged off the fiery blasts from the Japanese King of the Monsters. (Kong's arm catches on fire briefly at one point, which seems to bother him, but then he picks up the fight again.) I was shocked by this behavior when I saw the film not long after first watching the original Kong fall off the Empire State Building. In my head, Kong was dead, and then suddenly there was this ill-suited, scruffy imposter calling himself King Kong and fighting a giant octopod on a South Seas island, and eventually careening in and out of battles with the Big Green Guy around Tokyo. Even then, I noticed the decided lack of quality in the Toho version when measured against the RKO classic, and was especially disappointed in the use of the standard man-in-a-suit for Kong, rather than the far more impressive use of stop-motion animation. (I was already used to Godzilla being a guy in a suit; it was, and is, part of the charm of the character.)

No, this was not my Kong. This one was the same size as Godzilla! I already knew Godzilla to be of unimaginable proportions (around 150 feet tall in the '60s films), and suddenly the big ape that still had to climb laboriously up the Empire State Building was now going to be over a tenth of the size of it? To be sure, there is a plotline about some berries on Kong's island (that is never called Skull Island, so perhaps he is a further-removed offshoot of the species?) that allow the creatures to devour them to grow to monstrous sizes. Maybe this Kong was once normal Kong-sized and ate enough berries to be Godzilla-sized? (The berries also conveniently cause Kong to fall asleep, thus providing a plot device with which to transport the beast.) It also causes Kong to look constantly like he just woke up from a three-night bender.

Who designed me? Idiots...

Whatever the cause for his inflation, this suited version of King Kong battles Godzilla to what most Americans would consider to be a clear victory for the big gorilla, as he is the only one seen swimming off at film's end. There is no sign of the giant green monster at all across the surface of the ocean's waters. Of course, Godzilla is famously amphibious, and can walk or swim underwater without coming up for air for an amazingly long time, so to forget this point in order to declare a sure victory for the fuzzy primate with perpetual bedhead is foolish at best.

I had two copies of KKvG on VHS,
including this version.

For much of my life, I and much of the western world was under the belief that there were separately filmed outcomes to the battle for the American and Japanese markets, owing to Kong somehow being considered representative of America, and thus Americans would only accept an ending where Kong was the winner. While it is probably because the original movie Kong was filmed by an American studio, and merely as simple as that, there are some people who take perverse pride in claiming pop cultural figures as being their own kith and kin. I have indeed met many a person who have seen this silly kaiju film and exacted a firm measure of patriotism from its conclusion. I say they only can claim this due to the fact that America KILLED Kong; after all, Americans capture, ship and enslave Kong to perform against his will, and then Americans KILL him when he misbehaves. Setting aside parallels of the slave trade that is one of this country's many great shames, the way I see it, Kong only represents our country because his trophy head sits prominently on a wall in America's National Man Cave. So, if you rabid knee-jerk patriots need an easy victory to salute because you think one movie monster "killed" another movie monster, then you have more problems than just being... well, you.

It doesn't matter. In the Japanese release of King Kong vs. Godzilla, we not only hear King Kong roar in supposed triumph as he swims away toward the horizon, but we also hear Godzilla's roar one more time. As for me, I'm taking no political sides in the King Kong vs. Godzilla debate, except to say that the Kong in the movie is not the Kong that I love and that Godzilla in the film is the Godzilla that I love. I absolutely declare the ending a draw. The Myth of Two Endings is just that: a myth. There were never two endings; just one big ambiguous earthquake-and-tidal-wave-causing fall into the ocean by two monstrous titans of pop culture. And whoever said you can't love them both? Not me, clearly.



Long Live the Kings...

[To be continued in Part 8...]

Recently Rated Movies #1

Someday, I will discuss my ratings system to a greater degree. For the moment, let me state that I rate on a scale from 1 to 9, not so much to piss on the IMDb 10-ratings system, but actually to piss on the 4 or 5 star systems so prevalent in review culture instead, which make no sense to my head whatsoever. Somehow, mathematically, the 9-system does make sense to me.

Every few days on this site, I am planning to post a list of the latest films that I have seen either in theatres, on TV or video, and the subsequent ratings that I have given them. (This is mainly to give me a quick-hit item to throw up on the blog on days when I don't have the time to devote to a larger post.)

And so, without further delays, the first of those lists:

Tongan Ninja (2002, DVD) - 5
A History of Violence (2005) - 8
Saw (2004, DVD) - 6
Chikyu Boeigun [The Mysterians] (1957, DVD) - 6
Wallace & Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit (2005) - 8