There Must Be Some Mixtape: Track #13 – "Great Pumpkin" by Mikey Mason

Yeah, I don't believe in a lot that is spiritually based. But, as a fan of Halloween, I still believe in the Great Pumpkin. 

If Linus were my friend, I would probably be at the pumpkin patch with him regardless of whether I believed or not. Friends gotta stick to together, and Linus has a security blanket that he uses to perform pretty groovy tricks. 

Sure, Linus is a pretty religious kid; he can spout bible verses like no one's business. But Linus also has this weird, darker side where he sits in pumpkin patches while all of the rest of his friends, except for the girl who crushes on him, run about having varied success trick-or-treating. (One kid, I hear, only seems to get rocks in his bag...)

I don't have a lot of time left on Halloween to get this thing knocked out, but I wanted to round out my 2017 mixtape to a perfect 13 songs. I got a little behind here and there; as a result, there were a few songs I selected to be used for this year that I didn't get to yet, so I have decided to save them for next year's mixtape. (I own them, so I can listen to them all I want already. I just won't tell you what they are until then.)

So, for my last selection, I ran into a song a few days ago on a site called The FuMP, which stands for The Funny Music Project. The FuMP has been around for a few years, and specializes in promoting comedy and novelty records. New songs are featured on the site every week, the 128k versions of which you can download for free for a short while or you can always purchase the larger, prettier sounding 320k files of the songs. I check in to The FuMP now and then to see what new comedy music is out there, and was surprised to find a couple of pretty decent Halloween tunes that had recently been released on there.

My favorite of the pair was Great Pumpkin by Mikey Mason, a professional standup comic who also has released a couple of geek topic-based comedy albums in recent years. I have sort of missed Mason's music to this point, but I really like this track. Perhaps it is because it is directly about Linus' thoughts as he spends yet another cold, fruitless Halloween night waiting for his other personal deity to arrive. And yet, he never loses his faith throughout the song. No, really... he will be proven right... eventually...

This is the point where I normally post a video of the song from YouTube so you can listen to the song while you read the lyrics below. However, there is no video as of yet for this song on either Mason's YouTube channel or The FuMP's, and while there is an embed code on The FuMP official site for this song, Blogger tells me the code is incompatible with my own site. It is probably bullshit, and there is likely a workaround out there, but I don't have time right now. Maybe I will experiment with it tomorrow. Maybe not.

In the meantime, you can follow this link directly to the song's page on The FuMP: http://www.thefump.com/fump.php?id=2251. You can listen to it there or download it (for the moment).

Great Pumpkin by Mikey Mason

"Tonight
It’s gonna happen tonight
I’ve waited all of my life 
for this moment to arrive 

I’m here
I’ve suffered all of the jeers
The Halloween sky is clear
I’ve never felt so alive

You can have your trick or treating 
Keep your candy, you’ll be eating 
Crow tomorrow
Anyway

So go
I think you already know
You’re gonna reap what you sow
You think this all is just some story but… 

At last
All of October has passed
And here in the pumpkin patch
I’ll be waiting on his Glory

You can keep your masks and candy
I’ll be doing fine and dandy
As one of the anointed 
on All Hallow’s Day

[Chorus]
When the Great Pumpkin comes
I will be the one
who finally gets to laugh at all of you
who think I’m crazy
When the Great Pumpkin comes
shining like the sun
I will choose forgiveness over vengeance
Okay maybe
Maybe not. 

It’s here
And I can see it so clear
This pumpkin patch is sincere
and sincerely here I wait 

Each Halloween
Waiting just to be seen
Just like I am in my dreams
chosen by his orange greatness

While you’re at your parties dancing, 
Trick or treating or romancing, 
I’ll be waiting chastely,
prostrate in my fear… 

[Chorus]
When the Great Pumpkin comes
I will be the one
who finally gets to laugh at all of you
who think I’m crazy
When the Great Pumpkin comes
shining like the sun
I will choose forgiveness over vengeance
Okay maybe
Maybe not. 

Maybe I’ll come riding in with him 
in all his blazing orange greatness, 
And all the infidels will flee
or fall beneath our justice! 
And I’ll be laughing heartily 
as all the unbelievers cry, 
"Forgive us! Linus, please forgive us!" 

What’s that?
I must’ve taken a nap.
And now my head feels like crap,
and out over the horizon is... 

The sun
November first has begun
Another Halloween done 
with nothing left to show for it

But just you wait until next year, 
I’ll be waiting right back here 
And next year he will visit,
and next year you will pay!

[Chorus]
When the Great Pumpkin comes
I will be the one
who finally gets to laugh at all of you
who think I’m crazy
When the Great Pumpkin comes
shining like the sun
I will choose forgiveness over vengeance
Okay maybe
Wait and see..." 

Hope you had a Happy Halloween and a marvelous October. Halloween is never over in my world, but I hope to see most of you next year. Unless you stick around, then I will be glad to see you soon. :)

RTJ

P.S. Remember, if you like it, buy it at http://www.thefump.com/fump.php?id=2251.

Mr. Mixtape-ptlk, Track #10: "You Can Get Him – Frankenstein" by The Castle Kings (1961)

There's nothing like an old school, rock 'n' roller about monsters battling it out to get everyone movin' on the dance floor. Well, except for me, of course, because hitting the dance floor is just not my style. But I don't mind spinning the platters for you at Halloween.

You Can Get Him – Frankenstein, a single released in 1961 by the Castle Kings on Atlantic Records, is a great party tune with a chorus made for singing along. The people behind the record certainly had a knack for such tunes. Two of the song's published co-writers were Phil Spector and Ahmet Ertegun. Neither one should need any introduction to anyone by this point, but just in case you've had your head locked in a box, Ertegun co-founded Atlantic Records and was responsible for discovering and launching scores of artists over a 60-year career. Spector, besides being a murderer and a nutcase, is quite simply one of the most innovative and important songwriters and record producers in history.

More importantly to our purposes here, the third songwriter, Ed Adlum, went into the movie business after his band, the Castle Kings (for whom he played guitar), broke up after releasing only two singles with Atlantic. In 1972, he co-wrote, produced, and directed Invasion of the Blood Farmers, which is just about as appetizing a film as its title makes it sound. But that film is equalled by his next film, Shriek of the Mutilated, in 1974. While Adlum only produced and co-wrote Shriek, I like that terrible film just a little bit better than Blood Farmers because of one factor: the all-important monster quotient. Shriek of the Mutilated has a Yeti. A man in a really horrid looking Yeti costume, but a Yeti nonetheless.

You Can Get Him – Frankenstein definitely fulfills the monster quotient as well. But before we dig into that, let's listen to the song and check out the lyrics below...

You Can Get Him – Frankenstein by The Castle Kings
(Ahmet Ertegun, Ed Adlum, & Phil Spector)
Atlantic Records 2107

"Well, you can get him, Frankenstein
You can get him, Frankenstein
You can save that girl of mine
You can get him, Frankenstein
Ohhhh, you can get him, Frankenstein

Well, here comes my baby walkin' down the street
She looks so pretty and she looks so neat
A Wolf Man comes from behind a tree
A Wolf Man howling, "Ahhh-weee!"
I ran to the phone and I put in a dime
I called my good friend Frankenstein

Well, you can get him, Frankenstein
You can get him, Frankenstein
You can save that girl of mine
You can get him, Frankenstein
Ohhhh, you can get him, Frankenstein

Well, my baby called me up in the middle of the night
Dracula was messin' in the pale moonlight
Vampires, bats and rats and all
She said, "Help, help", that's why I called
She said, "You'd better call Transylvania 999
And dig my good friend Frankenstein"

Well, you can get him, Frankenstein
You can get him, Frankenstein
You can save that girl of mine
You can get him, Frankenstein
Ohhhh, you can get him, Frankenstein

[Sax solo]

Well, I called my baby on the telephone
Her mama said she was not at home
I called Transylvania 999
I got no answer from Frankenstein
I switched on the TV to Channel 9
There was Frankie and Susie doin' the pony time

Well, you done got her, Frankenstein
You done got that girl of mine
You done got her, Frankenstein
You done got that girl of mine
Frankenstein (Frankenstein)
Frankenstein (Frankenstein)
Bring me back that girl of mine

Hey, Frankenstein, bring me back that girl of mine"

I have always found it interesting that in a lot of the Universal Monster mashups, there was often an attempt to allow the viewers to connect to at least one of the monsters in an emotional way. Early on, the easy connection was the Frankenstein Monster, most likely to the humanity imbued in the characterization via the talent of Boris Karloff. Once other actors, such as Bela Lugosi and Glenn Strange, took over the role of the Monster, the torch of identity was passed to Lon Chaney, Jr. as the Wolf Man, who at least turned into a guy you could have a conversation with part of the time. In Bud Abbott and Lou Costello Meet Frankenstein, his Wolf Man is practically the hero of the film in combatting the combined evil of the others in the film.

In this song, the Frankenstein Monster (referred to as simply Frankenstein) is, at the outset of the lyrics, the hero of the day according to the singer (Frank Tinelli of the Castle Kings). Situations crop up involving both the Wolf Man and Dracula in which the singer's girlfriend is threatened, and both times he gets on the phone to call up Frankenstein to rescue her. (I like the visual image of Frankenstein's Monster sitting around waiting for phone calls to rescue her.) But maybe he calls him to the rescue one too many times, which is the lesson to be learned from the song. On the third verse, he calls his "baby," but she isn't home, and a follow-up to the monster finds him unavailable as well. In a humorous twist ending that ties into a popular teenage trend of the day, it turns out the girl and the monster are both dancing together on a local show on television. So, by the end of the song, Frankenstein has gotten her, and not him, after all.

Frankenstein may be able to get him and/or her all he wants, but what I can't get is enough information about the Castle Kings, outside of the scant details to be found online. Apart from the "B" side to this song – a rockin' raveup version of Loch Lomond – the group only released one other single, The Caissons Go Rolling Along/Jeanette, the following year (1962), before disappearing from the recording world. Adlum worked as an editor for Cashbox magazine before getting into film briefly. The other Castle Kings were Frank Tinelli, Jimmy Walker, and a fourth member that I have identified in an autographed photo that I found on the Discogs site as Billy, but with no last name.

I tried calling Transylvania-999 but didn't get anything. If only I had Frankenstein's latest phone number to help rescue me from this dilemma...

RTJ

Mr. Mixtape-ptlk, Track #7: "The Screamin' Meemies from Planet X" by Merv Griffin (1961)

Merv Griffin, Media Mogul

All this recent talk about The Twilight Zone Tower of Terror shutting down in the near future at Disney California Adventure may have a lot of longtime fans of the Tower down in the dumps, but it has had a marvelous effect on me. While I don't want to see it closed or changed as much as the next fan of the attraction, I recognize that things are always in flux in Disney's parks, and I also understand the reasons behind the closure and updating of the attraction. And on the plus side, riding the Tower so much recently has definitely put The Twilight Zone TV show back in mind for me.

Billboard Music Week, Oct. 9. 1961 -
Apparently all new singles (and their
"B" sides) were given 3 stars at the time. 

Luckily enough, I have numerous outlets through which I may pursue my love of this property in the comfort of my own home and collection: paperbacks of original stories, a "making of" trade paperback, issues from the Gold Key comic book series, and a couple of sets of DVDs to go through when it puts me in The Twilight Zone, er, "zone," as it were.

Strangely though, this has also triggered something else "Twilight Zone"-related in my mind: endless, repeated singing and humming of a rather obscure song from 1961 called The Screamin' Meemies from Planet "X".

For songs referencing The Twilight Zone, you certainly have other options. Sure, you could go with the big Golden Earring hit from 1984, if you like to hear stiffly sung English and indecipherable lyrics. (Don't get me wrong, I do like both of  those things when the mood strikes me; I am also very fond of the Golden Earring song, but only the full album version with the whole spooky instrumental break buildup). You could go with Rush's The Twilight Zone from their 1976 album, 2112, that directly references two memorable episodes of the show within drummer Neil Peart's lyrics. The members of Rush were such fans of the show, that they even dedicated not one, but two – TWO! – entire albums to the memory of Zone creator and host Rod Serling after he passed away in 1975.

Jazzbos have options too. Raymond "Powerhouse" Scott did a tasty instrumental with the title in 1960 that does not incorporate any elements from the theme music of the show, but does make vivid use of a theremin to give the song an unearthly intro and outro over a conga beat. The Manhattan Transfer, in one of their least jazzy moments though, went full disco with Twilight Zone/Twilight Tone and had a surprising Top 30 hit with it. (To my ears, though, it's pretty goddamned unlistenable, though I do have it in my collection.)

Possibly most famous was a huge surf hit from 1963 that surprisingly enough is not titled after the show, but was actually named for a rival show, The Outer Limits. The Marketts created a song called The Outer Limits, but the song's main riff is seemingly inspired by the famous four-note signature from The Twilight Zone theme, or a damn close approximation of it. Michael Gordon of The Marketts took the song to the producers of The Outer Limits, but it was too close to the Zone theme to use. Later, the band was forced to change the name of the song, and thus, it became known as Out of Limits. But it still sounds completely like they are doing The Twilight Zone theme for much of the song. But the Marketts won out in the end, because the track went to #3 on the charts to become their biggest hit. To make matters even more confusing, fellow surf guitar legends, the Ventures, put out an album called The Ventures in Space in 1964, that not only opened with their version of Out of Limits, but closes with a track titled The Twilight Zone.

But I came here to talk about a song called The Screamin' Meemies from Planet "X", and to do that, we need to bring up a fellow called Merv Griffin. If you are younger, it is likely you have no knowledge of Mr. Griffin, but anyone about a generation back can probably tell you at least one of the many things in which he was involved. Griffin started out as a singer and actor, became a talk show host, and made some of the smartest moves a man can make in the entertainment industry (they weren't all golden, though) to become a genuine powerhouse media mogul in his day. Pretty easy-going and genial on the air on his own long-running talk show, Griffin created both Jeopardy! (though he always said his wife came up with the concept) and Wheel of Fortune. He even wrote their theme songs. As a young singer, Merv had a #1 hit in 1950 with I've Got a Lovely Bunch of Coconuts, but it was to be his biggest success in that venue.

"I can't even lurk anymore!"

More important to the subject at hand, Griffin actually had some surprising horror and sci-fi credentials under his belt. He was a radio announcer in 1953's The Beast from 20,000 Fathoms, which you might recall is chiefly important for its Ray Bradbury source material and profoundly cool monster effects created by one Ray Harryhausen. Griffin also appeared as an actor in a 1954 remake of Edgar Allan Poe's Murders of the Rue Morgue titled Phantom of the Rue Morgue. In 1962, he released a truly odd single called House of Horrors, which clearly is inspired by the success of Monster Mash that same year, that I might feature on a future mixtape just because describing the song would be a task indeed. And, of course, fans of Steve Martin know full well that Mr. Griffin made cameo appearances in a couple of Martin comedy classics in the early '80s, most effectively playing himself exposed as the Elevator Killer in The Man with Two Brains, Martin's wacky spoof of mad scientist films.

And then there were The Screamin’ Meemies from Planet “X”...

I was walkin' a-lone Saturday night
Me and my baby, we had a fight
when a creature SWOOPED down in the gloom
and rode away with me on her broom!

"Oh Earth man, I've come to take you...

[chorus]
...Way out in the Twilight Zone,
the wild wild women live all alone!
We’ve got no men and we’re nervous wrecks!
We’re the Screamin' Meemies of Planet X!"

We flew where not even spacemen fly
as soon as we got there I knew why
the shakes and-a shivers ran down my spine
it was the land of the female Frankensteins!

"Oh, Earth man, you're gonna like it...

[chorus]
...Way out in the Twilight Zone,
the wild wild women live all alone!
We’ve got no men and we’re nervous wrecks!
We’re the Screamin' Meemies of Planet X!"

Their one green eye was a real nightmare
and the blackbirds nested in their hair!
I tried to run but what could I do
they had four legs where I had two!

They hugged me for breakfast 
and squeezed me for lunch
and just like bananas 
they kissed me a bunch!

There were no stoppin' 'em 
NO-SIR-EEEE!!!
And that was the start 
of the finish of me!

They had me...

[chorus]
...Way out in the Twilight Zone,
the wild wild women live all alone!
We’ve got no men and we’re nervous wrecks!
We’re the Screamin' Meemies of Planet X!"

T'was a real sad tragedy
like Macbeth
Cause they hugged and squeezed
and kissed me to death!

So take care brother
whatever you do,
and don't let the Screamin' Meemies 
get you!!!

Or you'll be...

[chorus]
...Way out in the Twilight Zone,
the wild wild women live all alone!
We’ve got no men and we’re nervous wrecks!
We’re the Screamin' Meemies of Planet X!"

Music and lyrics by Ruth Roberts | Copyright 1961 Pambill Music, Inc.

Merv's voice in this song is clearly supposed to be that of a recognizable hillbilly sort; you know, the type who might report an alien sighting tale such as this that just can't be believed. The lyrics are filled with mentions of how the cruel alien menaces "hugged and squeezed and kissed me to death" and "how "that was the start of the finish of me!" And yet, he lives to tell us his tale of woe. I find the unidentified voices of the Screamin' Meemies themselves to be hypnotic in nature, and it is their chorus of the song that actually gets stuck in my brain for weeks on end.

The song is chockfull of marvelous sci-fi movie detail, with vivid descriptions of the girls (with one big green eye and twice the normal complement of legs), but what the narrator does not tell us is how he got back to relate this story to us. So, has he just had a fever dream? Is he just making up a story for attention? Or did he really take a trip on a broom and flown "where not even spacemen fly" to "the land of the female Frankensteins"?

I guess only Merv knows for sure, and he took that knowledge with him when he left this void in 2007. The epitaph on his tombstone at Westwood Village reads ""I will not be right back after this message," which shows both his dedication to the medium that brought him fame and his ultimate reluctance to answer my belated questions about this very silly song.

No matter. Silly it may be, but I sure am glad that Merv recorded it.

RTJ

Mr. Mixtape-ptlk, Track #4: "The Monsters Hop" by Bert Convy (1958)

Bert Convy was more than just a square guy in the 1970s who hosted one of my then favorite game shows (Tattletales) and several others throughout the decade and into the '80s. Sure, Tattletales is where I learned his name and where I chiefly saw him as a kid, but I didn't know how important that stupid game show and its host would be to me.

Since my childhood, Bert Convy grew into (and continues to be) a big player in my canon, a personal cult figure along the lines of Jack Cassidy and Charles Nelson Reilly, for reasons sometimes tongue in cheek but not always. Any appearance by Convy in even the lowest level production was always a worthwhile stop for me. The Love Boat? Super Password? Charlie's Angels? Fantasy Island? Win, Lose or Draw? I watched them, sometimes because Bert was the host and sometimes because he was in a guest role. He didn't act in movies a whole lot, but he does make brief appearances in The Cannonball Run, Hero at Large, and Semi-Tough. His most notable film appearance for me, however, is a small role in Roger Corman's marvelous A Bucket of Blood (1959), where he acts alongside the great Dick Miller (playing his most famous character, Walter Paisley).

Bert won a Daytime Emmy as Outstanding Host for Tattletales in 1977, which was right around the time my strange obsession with the pearly toothed man wearing a tight, white guy 'fro was solidifying, especially after I watched him on a mid-summer replacement series on CBS called The Late Summer Early Fall Bert Convy Show. (I was a sucker for variety shows in those days.) It was hard for me not to find Bert Convy on the TV in the '70s and '80s, because the guy appeared in everything. Well, close to everything. With acting credits going back to the late '50s, besides the shows previously mentioned, Convy guested on The Mary Tyler Moore Show, McMillan and Wife, The Untouchables, Police Story, Banacek, Alfred Hitchcock Presents, Hawaii Five-O, Bewitched, 77 Sunset Strip, Hawaiian Eye, Perry Mason, Night Gallery, Mission: Impossible, Love American Style, Murder She Wrote, Hotel, and The Partridge Family. The guy would be the definition of the word "ubiquitious," if that job wasn't already taken in the dictionary.

I saw Bert in fresh TV episodes and I saw him pop up in older shows in syndication. He even got a directing credit under his belt, helming what is presumably meant to be a wacky Air Force comedy, starring Chris Lemmon, titled Weekend Warriors in 1986. (I must admit that I have not, as of this writing, seen that movie, but it is on my list.) When Bert wasn't acting or hosting, he would even appear on other game shows like Match Game and What's My Line?, the two game shows that rule my world. So tied was he to the world of game shows, that Convy even played himself as a Mystery Guest in a game show sketch hosted by Chevy Chase on Saturday Night Live in 1980.

Convy's last television role was as himself (appropriately) in the wedding episode of It's Garry Shandling's Show! in 1990, where Garry's character (also himself) nearly marries his girlfriend Phoebe (played by Jessica Harper) a couple of times, but circumstances keep interfering. After the hotel where they plan to get hitched burns down mysteriously, the network steps in and offers to build an exact replica of the hotel premises on the set of an all-star variety show (supposedly starring, amongst others – but not really – Scott Baio, Dr. Haing S. Ngor, Roy Rogers and Dale Evans). Tai Babilonia, Randy Gardner, Connie Stevens, and Ned Beatty do show up as themselves, Bert Convy is the host, and the director (on screen) is none other than Charles Nelson Reilly. And in the middle of everything, everyone breaks into a ridiculous musical number. After Garry and Phoebe run out on the second ceremony, their friends gather in Garry's home to console them. One friend says, "I had looked forward to this day for all of my life!" and Garry's buddy Leonard Smith (played by Paul Willson, Paul from Cheers) says, "Me, too! I never met Bert Convy!"

Convy died the next year of a brain tumor, but I have never stopped my strange worship of the man. He became my standard set answer when people asked me a question such as "Who did that?" or "Who said [such and such a quote]?" Some of my friends like to purposefully answer wrongly, "Jesus" in the same way, and I found out quick that the problem with answering "Bert Convy" in that manner is that you usually don't then have to spend five minutes reminded everyone in the room who Jesus was. Such is the way of a Bert Convy fan.

To this day, I delight in running into a Convy appearance. And he seems to be an unending source of odd trivia as well, thanks to his wide array of talents. Even in researching this piece, I read a couple of bits about the man that I did not know, such as that he was drafted by the Philadelphia Phillies as a teenager and played two years of minor league ball. (You can see his stats by clicking here.) He also originated the Broadway roles of Perchik, the revolutionary scholar who marries Hodel in Fiddler on the Roof, and Cliff Bradshaw in Cabaret.

But about a dozen years ago or so, and most joyously surprising to me, I found out this about the man when I was going through a random collection of older songs that I had obtained: Bert Convy was also a square guy from the 1950s that sang this ode to a crew of scary monsters holding one of those parties that monsters seemed to really enjoy holding back in those days:

THE MONSTERS HOP

(Bert Convy-Robert E. Emenegger) Contender 1314 CT-510, 1958

I heard strange noises comin’ from a house on the hill,
So I crept up to the window and looked over the sill.
My heart almost stopped, I nearly died of fright ---
By the dim candlelight, I saw the strangest sight!

[Chorus]
There was Frankenstein and Dracula and Wolfman too,
Dancin' with some zombies, what a ghastly crew!
The ol' ugly vampire was doin’ the bop,
And everything was rockin’ at the monsters hop!

The bats were flyin’ and the room was full!
The crazy witch doctor was dancin’ with a ghoul!
The organ was playin’, but no-one was there,
And the headless horseman was combin’ his hair!

[Chorus]
There was Frankenstein and Dracula and Wolfman too,
Dancin' with some zombies, what a ghastly crew!
The ol' ugly vampire was doin’ the bop,

And everything was rockin’ at the monsters hop!

I can't forget that empty house upon the hill
The night I saw the monsters dancin’… ooooh, what a thrill!
The wind did howl, the night was black;
I nearly lost my mind... I'm never ever going back!

[Chorus]
There was Frankenstein and Dracula and Wolfman too,
Dancin' with some zombies, what a ghastly crew!
The ol' ugly vampire was doin’ the bop,

And everything was rockin’ at the monsters hop!

The song was co-written by Convy, and he and songwriting partner Robert Emenegger also did the song on the flip-side, The Gorilla, which itself has a neat tie-in to the sci-fi genre, by having the Purple People Eater, who was popular from Sheb Wooley's #1 hit song of the same name from earlier in 1958, make a cameo appearance at the end of the Convy song:

The Gorilla is a much, much weirder song than the relatively more straightforward The Monsters Hop. That is, if you don't think that monsters holding parties in song after song is all that weird. The Monsters Hop predates Bobby "Boris" Pickett's phenomenal Monster Mash by about four years, but don't think that good ol' Bert was at the start of a trend. There were already several songs about monster parties floating around by 1958-1959, including Screamin' Ball (at Dracula Hall) by the Duponts, Mad House Jump by the Daylighters (which also name-checks the Purple People Eater), and At the House of Frankenstein by Big Bee Kornegay, just to name three. Monster Mash was certainly at the zenith of the subgenre (or the nadir, depending on your taste, but Mash is in my Top Song list of all time).

Of the Convy songs, I definitely prefer The Monsters Hop over The Gorilla (a little harried, that one). His character does sound a bit like he has been through the wringer after seeing what he has encountered. Though you might think, "That party sounds like a great time!" and that Convy is a real pussy for being afraid of it, do keep in mind the song is from a different time, almost sixty years ago. The notion is that while the monsters are having a dance party, which might seem cute and even quaint today, monsters are still freakin' monsters! They are supposed to be scary, and this song (and its narrator) doesn't forget that. While Frankie might not do you in right away, Dracula, Wolfman, and those zombies would probably feast on you right away.

Oh, just one more thing, which I never knew until today... Bert Convy had a Top Ten hit earlier in the decade, in 1955, with his vocal group, The Cheers, that was one of the very first songs to mention motorcycle gangs, Black Denim Trousers and Motorcycle Boots. One of the earliest hits by the ultra-famous songwriting team of Jerry Leiber and Mike Stoller, it was also one of the earliest in the "teen death tragedy" song genre. I knew the song and even own a copy of it on a couple of different collections. I just never realized that one of the voices I was hearing was Bert Convy, but I sure could make him out when I listened to it again.

Man, just like monster dance parties that pop up out of nowhere, Bert Convy, 25 years after his death, just keeps on surprising me.

RTJ

Mother Ghost Nursery Rhymes and Other Tricks and Treats

Our gunk-ravaged copy of Mother Ghost.

One of the few things I enjoyed about elementary school was when we were handed a brand new Scholastic Book Club catalogue every three weeks or so. I loved those four cheaply printed pages of the Scholastic Book Club catalogue so much I memorized each issue in the way that I should have been memorizing my math book. I could tell you every novelization, abridged novel, record, tape, or poster available, what it cost, the names of each author, and even some of the code lettering (for the ones in which I was most interested). I did this in much the same way that I burned the TV Guide, which came in the Anchorage newspaper each Sunday, into my brain. (There were a lot less channels then, so it was a damn sight easier than it would be today. But I could tell you when anything was on, whether I was allowed to watch it or not.)

My excitement about the Scholastic Book Club catalogue (yes, I insist on the British spelling) was based around the fact that I could get my parents to spring for a few things in each issue. Since I was a book fanatic already, it was generally just books, but ofttimes I could convince them of other items. (Getting an issue of Dynamite! Magazine was an extra bonus!) The best part is that it didn't count against my allowance for that week, so it was a bonus situation. Sure, I had to wait 3-4 weeks for everything to show up in those pre-UPS/Fed Ex days. And just about the time that your stuff arrived, there was another Scholastic Books catalogue being dropped on your desktop at school. I should have had the system figured out early.

This cover was on Amazon.
We no longer have our cover.

I am uncertain whether I ordered the Scholastic record which had the story of Georgie the Ghost on one side and Mother Ghost Nursery Rhymes and Other Tricks and Treats on the other. The recordings date to 1968, but Scholastic would resell items in their catalogue for years and years. It is possible I ordered it when I was school age, though it may have been my brother Mark, who was born in '68, four years after me. Regardless, we have had this record in our family all this time, and it has always been a favorite. 

Though not necessarily for Georgie (I will talk more about him in a post later this month). What we loved was the hodgepodge of songs and poems that appeared in Mother Ghost Nursery Rhymes and Other Tricks and Treats. With music composed by future Sesame Street stalwart Joe "Bein' Green" Raposo, the performers are listed as Jean Richards, Karen Johnson, and Bob McFadden, who was the voice of Milton the Monster, Franken Berry, and Snark on Thundercats. For novelty record fans, he was also well-known for a hit song in 1959 called The Mummy, which was recorded with a young Rod McKuen (under the pseudonym, "Dor").

Mother Ghost Nursery Rhymes contains some original poems set to music, and true to its name, is also filled with some Mother Goose classics slightly rewritten to incorporate witches, ghosts, and monsters. Everything is on the non-truly scary level of a very innocent child, so there is no blood or death (outside of the ghosts) involved. The denizens of the night are all just so happy to say "Boo!" and playfully scare you. But they mean no real harm.

I have always had two bits from this record stuck in my mind. One is the poem In a Dark Dark Wood, where everything progresses every smaller in detail from its initial setting, but always with the "dark, dark" refrain. My brothers and I used to recite it, but would add ever more increasingly strange outcomes to what was lurking in the "dark, dark" whatever. The other is the scariest part of the record, a short song done in rounds called Have You Seen the Ghost of John? I have heard other versions of the song done elsewhere, but either because this was the first one I encountered or because it just is the most hauntingly done, this one has stuck with me.

Here is a full listing of the poems and songs in the full 5-minute and 34-second recording, along with my notes for each one:

Mother Ghost Nursery Rhymes and Other Tricks and Treats (1968, Scholastic Records CC-0619B) [5'34"]

Rock-a-Bye Monster [0:00-0:44] - Rewritten Mother Goose rhyme. "Down will come Monster, cradle and all!" You get it. 

This Little Ghost Went to Market [0:45-0:55] - This Little Piggy wearing a sheet. Best line: "This little ghost ate GHOST BEEF! YUM!" Yeah, it's a weird concept. 

Little Miss Spider [0:56-1:06] - Little Miss Spider, in the wake of sitting on a glider and eating her flies for the day, until she is scared away by Little Miss Muffet sitting on a tuffet. So, is this is a prequel? Or is the more famous poem a sequel that could be subtitled "The Spider's Revenge"? 

Witch of Willowy Wood (by Rowena Bennett) [1:07-1:35] - This one reminds me a bit of the animated short from Sesame Street called Wanda the Witch. Not really similar, and this is more of a song-poem than that, but I can't help but thinking she is wearing a weasel around her waist. 

A Six-Handed Monster from Gleating [1:36-1:49] - A fairly humorous limerick about the downside of having extra hands while going trick 'r treating. Don't be selfish, monsters! 

Oh Witch Mary, Quite Contrary [1:50-1:59] - Rewritten Mother Goose rhyme, this time with skeletons in the garden mix. 

Oh, You Put Your Right Bone In [2:00-2:12] - I guess this is a more anatomically oriented variation on the Hokey-Pokey. Much shorter than I remembered it being. Just one bone is introduced before it moves on to... 

A Goblin Lives in Our House [2:13-2:58] - A longer bit about the various noises that a goblin will make when they live in your house all the year 'round. Don't believe they have a goblin living in their house all the year 'round? Well, they will sing it to you again. 

In a Dark Dark Wood [2:59-3:46] - This was the big one for us... It starts out in a dark, dark wood, moves in succession to a house, a room, a cupboard, a shelf, and a box. And in that box? Well, you need to listen to the record... 

Have You Seen the Ghost of John? [3:47-4:30] - I remember there was a kid in our class named John that didn't like it when we sang this about him. Of course, he grew up to be about 6'7" by the time he was 14, so I doubt it was sung to him often after that. 

Peter Pumpkin Eater’s Party [4:31-5:34] - Peter Pumpkin Eater's wife seems to have turned into a witch, and this suddenly means that a huge party is being thrown at his pumpkin house (with perfectly awful refreshments). I really like this brief song at the end of the record, and kind of wish it were a little bit longer.

That's the record. If you would like to hear it yourself, I did find that someone has posted it on Youtube. You can listen to it below: