IS IT NOVEMBER 10 ALREADY?

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Gamera Vs. All Mankind

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The cure for what ailed me. From Silly N' Serious Productions, an animated kaiju opera in three tiny acts.

In the midst of a severe depressive state, this prescription was fired my way by my good pal Leif via a comment on my Cinema 4: Pylon blog entry of August 27, 2006 :

"...go sit naked in the pool until you stop feeling cold. Then sit on the grass until you feel cold. Rinse with hot water, and repeat until you look like a prune. Then drink some hot Dr. Pepper while eating a food on a stick. Finally, build a fire in a can and burn some marshmallows. Eat only the carbon."

OK, except for drinking the hot Dr. Pepper, which I cooked up on my stove, I didn't follow the doctor's advice. I figured a good deal of this behavior would get me either arrested or ostracized from the neighborhood or both (mainly the naked stuff). But I did find much merit and personal interest in the next part of the prescription. To wit...

"Once you've completed this cleansing ritual, your mission is to write a three-act opera in the key of E-flat minor, with the subject of Man versus Gomera [sic]. You must use the color "pumpkin" in the costume for Man. Gomera cannot speak any recognizable languages. The opera can last no longer than seven minutes, and must be animated in Flash for presentation on the web no later than Nov 9th, 2006."

Surprise! Knowing full well I couldn't pull this off on my own, I ran to my brother Mark, who is a musician and songwriter when he's not fulfilling his professional capacities, and asked him if he wanted a challenge. His buddy Sean is an artist and cartoonist, and he came in to help provide character designs and storyboards. Both of them have been great, especially considering I sprung this on them out of the blue, and the fact that they are both family men with very divided attention at times. But it's done, and that's the main thing.

Yeah, as my brother puts it, E-flat is only used here and there and some minor chords are used sparingly as as well, but there isn't any E-flat minor at work here. We also saved the movie in Quicktime, mainly due to website issues with my hosting service which sucks, so I had to run to the arms of my friendly neighborhood Mattman. (He graciously allowed us to squat in his E-flat for a couple of days, but there were no minors involved.) You can't have everything, but's it done and that's the main thing.

Well, half done. This is not the completed work, but merely the outline for a slightly longer and eventually better animated effort. This is our first cut, a rough sketch, if you will, over which we will lay down our final version. Mark did the music with Melody Assistant and added the voices with Virtual Singer. We were originally going to record live voices, but in the interest of expediency, I suggested that for its initial unveiling we simply use the sketch voices. We actually have a few more minutes of music and lyrics written, but we had to edit savagely to get it down to where we were still happy with the score. Also, this is Mark's novice experience with animation (especially with the program he is using), so once we meet the quoted deadline, we are going to fully flesh out the production to around ten minutes or so. And yes, there is a Third Act, but it is not ready as of right now...

And if you want to understand what is being said via buzzy computer voices, read the post below for the complete Act I and Act II lyrics!

For now, enjoy our folly...

and, oh yeah...

Happy Birthday, Leif!

GAMERA VS. ALL MANKIND - THE LIBRETTO

Gamera Vs. All Mankind

A kaijû opera in three tiny acts

Music by Mark A. Johnson
Libretto by Rik Tod Johnson

ACT I: The Challenge
ACT II: Onward to Battle
ACT III: Requiem

Setting: Japan at a point in the near future.

Characters:
Morimoto, Japanese commissioner of the International Whaling Commission.
Dr. Fuyuki Takada, criminally pompous scientist with the Institute of Cetacean Research
Rainbow Brecht, bubbly American co-ed warrior battling for Greenpeace
Toshio, an overly precocious and parentally unbound child
Tadashi Hasigawa, devastatingly handsome young reporter for Mainichi Shimbun
Mr. Aoyagi, a haphazardly proficient translator
Gamera, a flame-throwing, flying reptilian shell-bearer of titanic proportions
Various unnamed members of the Houses in the Diet
Various sailors on the boats of the IKR and Greenpeace

Locations:
Act I: The National Diet Building
Act II: The North Pacific Ocean
Act III: Gammashima, the turtle’s island vacation home

ACT I: The Challenge

[Mr. Morimoto, the Japanese commissioner of the International Whaling Commission confronts the combined Houses of the Diet for a special emergency session involving a possibly tragic blow to the economy. A large gathering of media cover this session, including young Mr. Tadashi Hasigawa, devastatingly handsome young reporter for the Mainichi Shimbun, who bears an eyepatch that he gained during a tragic accident in his youth. Next to Morimoto sits Dr. Takada, a scientist representing the Institute of Cetacean Research, an organization whose very survival hangs in the balance of this seemingly grave announcement. Morimoto speaks:]

Morimoto
It is with the deepest, deep regret
That I must inform this august set
Of a most unfortunate outcome…

It is sad I must cause any fret
But the last whale’s doom was at last met
At the hands of the Rising Sun…

Chorus (Various Diet Members)
What can he mean by this?
What’s that he said?
He should know best the world is rife with whales!
We must lodge a protest!
He must have gone mad!
Our science will disprove any such tales!

Morimoto
No. it's true!
The last whale on earth has met its fate,
Whether toothed of grin or baleen plate.
We cannot disguise our guilt in this awful state.
They are gone.
They are all gone…

Chorus (Various Diet Members)
We are not to blame!
Science never lies!
Don’t you know the only way to count
A population is to kill it?
We are not to blame!
You whine a whale’s song!
Don’t you know a whale’s age
Can't be ascertained
Unless you harpoon, slice and grill it?

Dr. Takada
Gentlemen!
I implore you,
There is no way out of this!
And with a national whale meat freeze,
Many thousand Japanese
Would be unable to subsist!

Representative in the crowd
They’d be forced into…

Dr. Takada
Changing their grocery list!
Gentlemen!
I have an answer!

[The lights go down in the Diet, a projector is turned on, and numerous photos of giant monsters trashing various cities and battling each other fill a movie screen. Dr. Takada clicks his way through them as he sings his devious plan…]

Dr. Takada
Since the 1950’s,
Japan has been beset
with monsters of a giant stripe
Who trample and forget.
At first, it was a trickle,
but dozens more have come.
We have pampered them,
even worshipped them!
Now something must be done!

For we’ve met rampage after rampage;
Now the rampage must be ours!
With the whales gone,
We must now move on…

To bigger and better things!
To monstrous, crushing, ponderous things!
Think of the stomachs that a whale can fill,
Then think of a thing
As big as Fuji’s hills.

All in the Diet
To bigger and better things!
To mashing, crashing, thunderous things!
Gojira’s liver all on its own
Could light the lamps in a thousand homes

Dr. Takada
For a dozen years or more!

All in the Diet
We must take the battle
To bigger and better things!

[The lights go up, with the crowd in a riotous frenzy. Morimoto is taken aback by this turn of events...]

Morimoto
Takada!
This is madness!
You only make things worse!
There's something you’re ignoring…

Chorus (Various Diet Members)
Takada!
Oh, yes ! Oh, yes!
Which monster do we start with?
Our stomachs are awake from snoring!
Who do we start with?
What’s the scoop?

Dr. Takada
Who’d be most delicious
In a national soup?

Chorus (Various Diet Members)
Gamera!

ACT II: Onward to Battle

[Three boats zoom through the frigid waters of the North Pacific Ocean on their way to Gammashima Island, the last known locale of the giant, flying prehistoric tortoise known popularly as Gamera, Protector of Children. The first boat contains Dr. Takada, the reporter Hasigawa and numerous scientists with the now renamed Institute for Kaijû Research (the boat appears with the word “Cetacean” X’ed out on its bow). The second boat is “The Lucky Charm”, a craft belonging to Greenpeace, and aboard this ship are Rainbow Brecht, a bubbly American co-ed in pigtails, and Morimoto, who against his better judgment, contacted Greenpeace to help avert the attack on Gamera. Morimoto has brought a translator with him to help ease the language barrier on the American ship. The third boat is a small rowboat that is piloted by an overly precocious 6-year old named Toshio. As we pick up the action, the youngster sings of his purpose through a real annoying song…]

Toshio
My daddy told me,
That because he works at the Diet,
Gamera would have to die and
That would not be good.

My daddy told me,
That because he works at the Diet,
He would smack me if I cried and
That would be even less good.

So I am going to save Gamera,
‘Cause he is Protector of Children!
And if Gamera was murdered
Then who would protect me
From my daddy who works at the Diet?

[Toshio’s boat zooms between the two larger racing ships, and simultaneously draws the attention of both the reporter Hasigawa in the IKR ship and Rainbow Brecht in The Lucky Charm.]

Hasigawa
Where is this little one going?
Where the hell did he come from?
Who stuck him into this story? An irresponsible dope?

Rainbow
Must be the son of a fisherman!
Who else could drive a boat like that?
Jesus! How can he go faster than this fucking boat?

[Toshio easily glides past the two ships and heads nearer to the island off in the distance. His passing causes Rainbow and Hasigawa to lock eyes. Rainbow uses Morimoto’s translator to decipher Hasigawa’s impending message of love…]

Hasigawa
She's the most beautiful woman that I have ever beheld!
I wish to start a research group
So I may capture her heart!

Rainbow
He is so hot!

Hasigawa
Lovely creature of the crashing waves,
Your eyes bespeak a thousand glories!
Your face must betray a most sublime art!

Rainbow
What the hell did he say?

Mr. Aoyagi, the Translator
Uh, it’s complicated!

Hasigawa
In with these criminals I fell
I felt their cause and their purpose noble
not to mention revenge
upon Gamera
Gamera gave me this eyepatch
But beauty like yours could not be wrong
I am clearly on the wrong side
I lay aside my anger
for a taste of your sweet --
oo-oo-oo-oo!

[Hasigawa’s voice is lost in the roar of the waves and engines.]

Rainbow
What the hell did he say?
Tell me, tell me, tell me!

Mr. Aoyagi, the Translator
Uh, well… ahem… you see, it’s complicated!

Rainbow
Whatever!
I just want to know
what else he can with that microphone!

Morimoto
We are nearing the island!
Gamera awaits just ahead!
We must make it to his cave
Before that dastardly scientist’s pests!

Takada
We are nearing the island!
Gamera awaits our flensing!
We’ll drag him out from his cave
For a full cadre of tests!

Hasigawa
My eye is itching!
We are much closer than I ever thought!
This brings back memories painful
But Rainbow washes them away!

Takada
You fool!
This is not the place for love!
The fortunes of a minute part
Of our nation’s population
Rest upon this day!

[The two boats reach the island’s port. Sailors leap out of each boat and gingerly tie up their craft next to each other. As soon as the craft are secured, there is a pause… and then each group pulls out knives and swords and charges the other. A terrible battle is about to begin, but then a monstrous roar erupts over their heads.]

All
Gamera!

Libretto Copyright 2006 Rik Tod Johnson; Music Copyright 2006 Mark Otis Johnson

So, what DID you watch on Halloween?

I must ask those of you with weak constitutions to please sit down very carefully and grip tightly the arm or the cushion of the item upon which you have chosen to sit. This is going to come as a bit of a shock to those who know me, but something both extraordinary and somewhat alarming has happened over the course of the last seven weeks. It may not seem earthshaking in the overall scheme of the world, but it is certainly filled with just enough portent that I must take note of it. Even so, it is something that literally snuck in the back door, and kept its presence low enough that I myself did not become aware of it until... well, yesterday.

Are you ready for the awful truth?

Over the course of my usual seven-week buildup-to-Halloween movie festival, I did not watch a single film, or even a second of film, containing the following characters: Freddy Krueger, Michael Myers, Pinhead, Jason Voorhees or Leatherface. On top of that, neither did I view any films in the Exorcist, Puppetmaster, Jaws or Tremors series. Oh, yeah... and no Ash, either. In fact, now that I think of it, I didn't see any films in any of the old Universal Monsters series, either -- no Dracula, Frankenstein, Wolf Man, Mummy or Creature from the Black Lagoon films spun on my disc player nor did I run into any of them on the tube. Also, because I still haven't seen Saw II, going to the theatre to see Saw III (See-saw! Ha! Get it... ugh...) was out of the question. That's OK, since I was underwhelmed by the first film, and didn't see it as a revival of horror like so many other short-memoried, or flat-out unknowledgable, others do.

What's with the movie series dissing? Nothing conscious at the time, to be sure. Had I run into any of these films, and I had more open time, I probably would have taken them in. Part of it was timing, part of it was forgetfulness (more on this at the end of the post), and part of it was a concentrated effort to catch up on horror films that I had yet to see, none of which belonged to a series format. OK, I did watch the original version of Gojira, but it is miles apart from the remainder of the series, both in style and substance. And... OK, I did see Ju-On in this period, so that does count as part of a series, but I was watching it in conjunction with a regular Sundance series called Asia Extreme. (Ooh, this reminds me, didn't get to The Grudge 2, either... my crimes pile up Gacy-like in my cranial crawlspace. Better throw some more lime on them...) Overall, it was just me playing catch-up on the Netflix list, and at any point, I could have ended up with Parts II, III and IV of any number of titles. And except for Romero's Land of the Dead, the fourth of his zombie epics (which don't have any recurring characters except for the basic concept of zombies taking over the Earth), I didn't...

So, what did I end up with on Halloween? All told, some pretty good choices, considering how scattershot the discs have been showing up in my mailbox. Of the four titles that appeared in time for viewing beginning Halloween morning, all four rated fairly high with me. The most enjoyable of the lot for me was Slither, a terrifically fun little alien-worm-invasion flick starring Nathan Fillion, whom the smart ones among us will recognize as Mal from the late, lamented Firefly series (and film follow-up Serenity). Fillion is the sheriff who has to stop the invasion, though his action mode is just a little klutzier than normal in this one. Some great one-liners, ultra-gory bodily excretions and openings, and some sharp supporting work from the players (including Michael "Henry" Rooker, Elizabeth Banks and Jenna "Pam from The Office" Fischer) make this a ball, but be warned: some parts reminded me a lot of Night of the Creeps and a little bit of Society (with deliberate nods to other films like The Blob) so if you have any genre history stored up in your head, some of it might seem like déjà vu. Not that it matters that much...

The original Japanese version of Pulse has somehow slipped past me over the last few years, so with the American remake certain to pop up before my eyes very soon, due completely to that hot Veronica Mars chick being in it, I felt it was high time to rip into it. While I felt this version to be gorgeously haunting, my problem with it came not from the film itself, but from my own awareness that there is an American version out there, which forced me to spend the entire movie translating each and every scene into bad Hollywood filmmaking in my head, in anticipation of what I will encounter with the new spin. This may make it seem like I am not going into the American gruntie without a clothespin on my nose, but the trailer (except for Kristin Bell) gives me little hope that it will even come close to this version.

I avoided Wolf Creek like I avoid, well, areas like the Australian Outback or other remote, desolate areas where, surely, the only people hanging about are the sort of people who are either looking for trouble or looking for victims or both. The trailer made it seem like nothing more than "torture porn", and assuredly, there are a couple of sequences in here that will make all but the sort of people who are either looking for trouble or looking for victims or both cringe and squirm in their seats. ("Head on a stick," people, "head on a stick.") But the movie takes its sweet time getting to this point, and allows us to really get to know the characters on all sides of the story, including the Australian Outback, which plays about as important a role here as it did in Walkabout. I wish that the film had gone into the afterstory a bit more (this is supposedly based on real events, which the before and after titles go to great pains to point out), but for a nice, surprisingly suspenseful build, even with the nastiness that ensues, I ended up admiring much of the film.

Which brings me to Lucky McKee and The Woods. Not great, not bad... it has Bruce Campbell in another slightly campy role (even if he is playing it relatively straight) and is from the director of May (whose Masters of Horror effort, Sick Girl, I wrote about a couple of posts ago). These two reasons alone are enough to make me check it out, but let me add one more thing: it has Patricia Clarkson running an all-girls boarding school in 1965, and let me state here unequivocally that I adore her. It takes a lot for me not to notice the "teenage" girls in uniforms, skirts and knee socks running about the place, but Clarkson does just that with her laconic sexiness, even as a possibly-evil possible-witch headmistress. The movie is good but generic fun, though it never goes as far as I wish it would with on the horror front, but it does have a memorably gooey, gory ending. And it has Bruce Campbell -- 'Nuff said!

Oh yes, and about the forgetfulness. It wasn't until the middle of Halloween that the notion struck me that, for the first time in 20 years or so, I had gotten through the month of October without once plugging the original John Carpenter Halloween in for a viewing, either on VHS or DVD. I suppose at that point I could have righted the ship, but I was also then struck by the thought with which I started this post: that I had nearly made it through the holiday month without even realizing that I hadn't spent any time with any of my old ghoul pals of the past.

Boy, are they ever gonna demand reparations next year...

Halloween List:
Slither (2006, DVD) - 7; The Woods (2006, DVD) - 6; Kairo [Pulse] (2001, DVD) - 7; Wolf Creek (2006, DVD) - 6; The Crazies (1973, TCM Underground)- 5; Sherlock Holmes: The Last Vampyre (1993, Biography) - 6.