Counting Up to Me Choking to Death on a Creature Adult Collectible Figure

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Yesterday, it struck me as odd when considering that in order to count down to Halloween, that I need to start on the 1st of the month at 31 to get down to 1, but in the end, we arrive at the 31st. Why don't we just count up? It seems to me that a COUNT UP TO HALLOWEEN would actually seem more appropriate since we are heading to the 31st. But, "countups" are not really a thing while "countdowns" have been long established as immensely appealing to populations of people all over the world. Especially NASA employees. And people who play NASA employees in movies and TV.

Putting these notions aside, I am, after a break of several eons, taking part once more in the Countdown to Halloween, which is a fun little blogroll maintained by my friends at -- wait for it -- www.countdowntohalloween.com/. [Or click on the handy cat mask button on the right hand side of my page.] Visit their site to see a list of blogs that will be posting regularly (some daily, some less frequently) throughout the month of October leading up to some celebration of something at the tail end of said month. (Really hard to keep these holidays straight anymore...)

The owners of the Countdown to Halloween site have been good enough to keep emailing me annually to see if I want to participate, though I last did so about four years ago or so. I had actually been meaning to use this opportunity each year to jumpstart myself back into writing regularly on the blog, but then found myself keeping too busy in passing the open windows to do so. This year, circumstance has forced my hand in getting the writing machine running again, and so, after a long sequence of skipped starts and shutters, I now have my site moving relatively smoothly in time to enjoy the Halloween season. 

Of course, I needed some aid in this effort. In my case, aid comes in the form of regaling myself with a few small purchased items, generally monster toys and comics, books about horror movies, or a handful of horror and science fiction DVDs to add to my collections. A well-timed trip to Barnes and Noble three days ago allowed me the chance to pick up some of my favorite movie-themed magazines -- Fangoria, Filmfax, Famous Monsters of Filmland, and Video Watchdog -- as well as the dandy little guy displayed in the image at the top right of this post, a ReAction Universal Monsters Creature from the Black Lagoon figure.

I am not a collector who "keeps it in the box," so to speak, unless I have multiple copies of something. The Creature (being my favorite Universal Monster) will be freed of his plastic tomb soon enough, but in looking at him, I am trying to figure why the toy has an age designation of 14+ on the packaging. Not kidding... in a circle at the top of the package it says "Age 14+," along with the requisite warning about the toy being a "Choking Hazard. May contain small parts."

Was there an outbreak of 13-year-olds choking on inch-long rubber arms and flippers in this world? I know stupidity doesn't cut off once someone gets past their first teenage year, so it can't be that. Apart from a small 3.5" toy with only five points of articulation, there are no other parts with this thing, let alone small ones! There's no speargun or net like in the larger Sideshow figures, just a tiny, menacing Creature. Are pre-teens just shoving the whole toy in their mouths? Why doesn't this say " Age 6+" or something else? How dumb have kids gotten?

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And forgive me, Gertrude, for calling this a toy! I have just been informed by the top of the package that this (in all caps) is an "ADULT COLLECTIBLE - NOT A TOY". That's right. Adults don't play with toys, unless they are shaped like things that occur in the groin area or made to go in other things around the groin area. This is a collectible, and only made to be collected!

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But they are liars on this count. Right on the back of the packaging, there are pictures of the other, um, "collectibles" in this line, and just below to the left of those pictures, there is text that informs me that these figures, apart from being "sturdy," "plastic," and "posable," are also "ready for adventure!" But... they aren't toys, so I obviously can't play with them. So, what type of adventures can they have if they can't be played with at all? Does this imply that I am simply meant to free them and let them go off on their own? Is it "Choose your own monster and let them have an adventure"?

Or maybe these really are adult toys after all and the Creature is meant to have adventures in places that are not to be mentioned in polite company.

Maybe being from the Black Lagoon was simply a metaphor all along...