Mr. Mixtape-ptlk, Track #2: "Ants Invasion" by Adam and the Ants (1980)

For the second pick on my new Halloween mix, a personal war of miniature but gradually expanding scale has played a crucial part in its selection.

Over the course of the past couple of months, our household has been doing battle with little black ants. We had some invade the home last year, but it was because we were trying to save up recyclable bottles and cans in containers outside. When the containers filled up, and we weren't able to get to the recycling plant in a timely fashion, we started filling up garbage bags and had them outside. We hadn't seen many ants before then, but we sure saw them after that. The ants in the garden and in the yard found the cans and went nuts. Their line to the cans then extended to the house, and up the wall, and somehow found a way into the house. They came in through the bathroom in the master bedroom where Jen and I make our home, and we then started learning about doing battle with ants on a large scale. The invasion was very brief, however, and done as quick as it had started.

Not so this year. A few weeks ago, we discovered their latest incursion onto our territory, and the war commenced anew. This time, they attacked my office bathroom, Ben's rooms, and the master bedroom in seemingly separate groupings. Jen managed to dispatch a queen, which was under my sink in the en-suite in the master, and I thought that I had stopped the minor invasion of the office bathroom. Then, a couple days later, we found out that they were in the hallways and scattered all along the outer edges of the huge library area. We attacked with poison and cleaners and thought we then had it handled... until we found out the next day that they had moved downstairs and had completely surrounded the living room and kitchen areas. Three of us tackled that project, taking out every ant we could see and trying to determine their points of ingress, blocking those by laying down ant poison.

All seemed well until three days ago, when I went into my office and found a few ants on the wall behind my desk. Just four or five, and after cutting off what I thought were there paths to the area, I discovered about a day later that they seemed to be sneaking through the electrical outlet. So, I wiped down a solid area around the base of the outlet (and the others in the room) with a poison solution and I stopped seeing them on the walls after that. I then threw down talcum powder and vacuumed up the floor to get up anything that might draw their interest (there was no food in the room otherwise). 

Two mornings ago, while planning to get up bright and early for a writing session, I was greeted by about thirty ants or so all over my nice new desk area. While we have been exceedingly careful to not leave food and empty containers lying about in the house since this whole debacle started, I had left an empty soda can on the desk and, boy, they had zeroed right in and found it. 

Determining exactly where the little suckers were coming from was another matter. Looking at the floor that I had just cleaned the night before, I found that I could see parts of it moving. The ants had given up their usual line formations to their targets, and seemed to be spread out across the carpet running willy-nilly to anything that looked like a way up to whatever they perceived to be of interest to them. And so my morning was shot, as I looked everywhere I could in the room to figure out exactly where they were coming from and what they were after in the office. 

Meanwhile, Jen found ants in our walk-in closet, a room that has zero of interest to them whatsoever. No food or drink has ever been brought into there, but there they were, avoiding the areas that had been sprayed to prevent their lines and had them marching right in the middle of the floor in a guerrilla attack. To what? Who knows? But it has meant even more cleaning and more searching for a thousand points where their tiny little bodies can easily slip in to annoy us.

That's the thing: these aren't bitey ants. These are little suckers, almost cute due to their diminutive status, and if they get on you, they pretty much tickle and don't hurt you at all. It actually makes me feel bad to kill them, but honestly, you also don't want bugs crawling all over you, if you can help it. And while they don't bite, there is still a definite creepiness factor to the whole thing. Since this battle started, one song has been going through my mind... Ants Invasion by Adam and the Ants.

Here is his band's performance of the song in their heyday on The Old Grey Whistle Test TV show:

"Ten-thirty-five and I hope I've made
The right decision
[No, no, no, no, no, no]
Heart is beating I'm alive
But I don't call this living
[No, no, no, no, no, no]
Rationalize 'til I'm blue in the face
You cannot lose if you throw the race
I'm still searching for the
Ants invasion

Ten-thirty-six and I hope I've made
The right decision
[No, no, no, no, no, no]
Ninety-eight point four's the bore
With twenty/twenty vision
[No, no, no, no, no, no]
You want a thrill so you come and see me
A cheap line in fantasy
But I'm still searching for the
Ants invasion

If I'd the courage
I would make my way home
Too many antics in the forbidden zone

Ten-thirty-eight and I think I've made
The wrong decision
Another lifeless man with a strange incision
I hope that insect doesn't see me
He's not renowned for his courtesy
I'm not searching for the
Ants invasion"

The song kicks to life with a siren-like guitar riff that would be at home equally as the theme song to any science fiction movie, laden with an invasion of ants or otherwise. The lyrics get good mileage out of the repeated variations of quoting the advancing time and then wondering if Adam has made the right or wrong decision. The progression allows a story to build gradually, which sketches in horror story details of a man who seems to bear a Kafka-esque dread of his own nature.

While never really being very clear about what the true subject of his concern is outside of the refrain of "still searching for the ants invasion," Adam makes reference to his "heart is beating, I'm alive/but I don't call this living," and then later he describes "another lifeless man with a strange incision," which at that point, late in the game (it's 10:38 by then) he determines it to have been "the wrong decision". Before that he mentions "ninety-eight point four's the bore with twenty/twenty vision," which along with the line in the previous verse, "You cannot lose if you throw the race," might point to the source of his fear being human conformity.

I had always felt when I was younger that the "Ants Invasion" he is searching for is the success of his own tribe, those that make "antmusic" (the band is "the Ants," after all). The new subgenre of "antmusic" was supposed to be his gospel. In another song on his Kings of the Wild Frontier LP, Don't Be Square (Be There), Adam Ant cajoles his new faithful to "Get off your knees and hear the insect prayer!" (which, of course, is "Dirk Wears White Sox," the name of the very first Adam and the Ants album and a tribute reference to actor Dirk Bogarde). 

But, battling against this notion, I was always confused by the last two lines after the "incision" line in Ants Invasion: "I hope that insect doesn't see me/He's not renowned for his courtesy/I'm not searching for the ants invasion." It may rub against my theory of fear of human conformity, or maybe this story takes place before Adam is resurrected as the leader of the Ants, where he is fearful of his transformation into the force he will become.

Regardless, the horror/sci-fi trappings of the song are clear, but they were even more clear in the song's original incarnation. Once upon a time, it was even more eerie in a musical sense, though the melody was the same and the song structure still including the gimmick of counting up the time as it passed. But the song's title? Oh boy, is that a doozy (and I kid you not): The Omelette from Outer Space.

A demo version of Omelette appears on the remastered version of Kings of the Wild Frontier, but luckily, somebody took the footage from the video earlier in this post and made their own video for The Omelette from Outer Space. It's pretty sloppy and low-res, but you can at least hear the song:

"10:35 and I hope I made the right decision
[No, no, no, no, no, no]
Evening drawing in, so I'm forced to watch the television
[No, no, no, no, no, no]
The could-be actor, cover his face
[Pow pow pow]
I'd do the same thing in his place
[Pow pow pow]
He's so frightened of 
The omelette from outer space
[No, no, no, no, no, no]

10:36 and I hope I made the right decision
[No, no, no, no, no, no]
Another lifeless man with a strange incision
[No, no, no, no, no, no]
The screaming stopped but the core is a waste
[Pow pow pow]
Bring out detectives to solve the case
[Pow pow pow]
And I'm still searching for
The omelette from outer space
[No, no, no, no, no, no]

If I'd the courage I would go to the gate
Another thriller or a great escape

10:38 and I think I've made the wrong decision
[No, no, no, no, no, no]
They've had complete success with their alien mission
[No, no, no, no, no, no]
The could-be actor, cover his face
[Pow pow pow]
I'd do the same thing in his place
[Pow pow pow]
They're so frightened of 
The omelette from outer space
[No, no, no, no, no, no]
Outer space
[No, no, no, no, no, no]"

Lyrically, I don't find the demo version nearly as interesting as Ants Invasion. However, the part with the omelette from outer space is actually a bit intriguing, since it is pretty apparent that Adam is referring to the actor within the film in the song and his reactions to the silly monster that probably shares a name with the title of the film, and which Adam is forced to watch on his TV. In fact, the original version keeps the song within the horror/sci-fi music subgenre, but just from a different angle, becoming more of a comment on the insipidness of pop culture than anything else. Not nearly as creepy sounding and terrific a song as Ants Invasion, but still a fun early try at such a tune.

That's all for Track #2. I will post Track #3 of Mr. Mixtape-ptlk in a few days. Until then, happy Counting Down to Halloween!

87 Minutes and Entirely Non-Tantric: Stung, and How Not to Get That Way

Stung (2015)
Dir: Benni Diez
TC4P Rating: 4/9

Wasps are fuckers.

I can look at most predatory species and recognize the beauty behind nature's design even when it results in the death of smaller, weaker creatures. But wasps are fuckers. I defend sharks and spiders from people who are afraid of them, who see only terror where I see wonder at the natural order of things and for efficiency and cunning. Wasps are still fuckers. I can even look at common social insects like wasps -- such as ants, bees, and termites -- and after recognizing both the benefits and downsides of all species, come out with a solid realization of just how necessary they are to the planet. But with wasps, even understanding their place in our world (they are vital in controlling many invasive and pest species of insects), I can only come to one conclusion. Wasps are just plain horrid, scary fuckers.

I think it is because wasps seem to take delight in being outright assholes. I think that if you were able to ask a wasp one on one if they took pleasure in messing with your day, the wasp would just stare back straight at you with its big waspy eyes... and then stab you right in the thorax. Because they are fuckers.

And I have had a few run-ins with wasps and hornets (which are categorized as wasps) over the years, and have learned they are not something with which one should mess. I am wholly unafraid of bees when they are zipping about, but show me one wasp and I give the area a wide berth. For me, their over-the-top aggression is more brutal than necessary, and in that way, I guess they seem a little more human to me than other species. And that form of humanity is something I prefer to avoid at all costs.

The other day, I wrote about a small film called Harbinger Down that was created with the intent of showcasing the use of practical special effects over the currently preferred measure of computer-generated effects. While the film ultimately fails on a dramatic level, its intent and the eventual execution of its effects work was sincere and ably done. While I did not love the film, I liked it and truly enjoyed the attempt. It gives you a cool looking monster, gets you caught up in the action, and delivers a finale that makes the trip worthwhile.

Here now is Stung, another such attempt at showcasing practical effects, but which has wasps as the main antagonists. (As if wasps could be anything but...) Immediately, I assumed there was going to be an extra scare and "ick" factor involved, simply because of the giant wasps (especially if they were even halfway to being done well). And Stung does have a doozy of a poster (see above), and while I know that I should never do that whole "book-judging-cover" thing, from the outside view, Stung looked interesting. 

Once I heard about it, that is. I didn't know Stung existed until my buddy Aaron sent me a message on Facebook saying he had just watched it. "Pretty neat effects and creature work, but really really boring go-nowhere story," he wrote. This did not kill the movie for me, though, since I am a "monster first" kind of guy. All Aaron did was guarantee that I would have to see for myself if the effects and creature work were indeed pretty neat. And the story? They have stories in these things?

Stung starts with a pair of caterers -- the driver, Paul, and his boss, Julia -- and they are as mismatched as hell. Paul finds her attractive but Julia is wholly committed to making a go of the catering business after inheriting it from her father; he, at least in what we are given to go on, is somewhat of a loser who would rather party on and smoke weed than work hard or make a good impression. And yet, making an impression is exactly what Paul wants to do in regards to Julia, but she has no respect for him, and rolls her eyes at his awkward attempts at establishing a rapport with her. Preparing for a party on a huge estate owned by a widowed matriarch and her reclusive son, Paul seems to run afoul of Julia's gaze with every step.

Then the wasps attack. The wasps are relatively normal at first, bigger than they should be but not outrageously so, only where anyone passing them would give them as wide a berth as possible. But as the party kicks in (though it never really seems to get kicking, and in fact, seems like it is barely populated by anyone except a handful of guests), the wasps get more and more aggressive. When they start attacking the guests with force, and the running and screaming start, it seems like a basic bug attack movie. Then, from out of the mouth of an attractive MILF, who had hit on Paul just a few moments earlier, come a pair of enormous insect limbs, and then her face and body split apart as an almost fully formed, human-sized wasp replaces the MILF. The film takes a turn here, as the partygoers finds itself being taken over one by one by gigantic wasps. Guest with even the slightest sense of survival flee for the mansion and lock the doors behind them.

From here, Stung becomes one in which the small contingent of actors who were paid to deliver lines do battle against the wasps, trying in vain to keep them from entering the mansion, and also discovering that those who had been stung by the wasps outside have the potential to turn into wasps themselves. From the information that I can gather from Stung, the filmmakers have combined social and solitary, parasitoid and predatory wasps into one huge wasp species, and given the creatures in this film the ability to reproduce in multiple ways. There is clearly a queen wasp introduced in this film and she is quite evidently laying eggs. There is even an attempt to ram one of her pupae down the throat of a certain character, and I assume the intent is for the pupae to feed on that person's insides. 

But there is no way that the people being rendered from the inside out at the party, which hasn't been going on that long when the attack happens, could have been turned to mulch so quickly nor would there have been opportunity to introduce larvae into their systems in the first place. Unless the wasps were pumping their eggs into the hors d'oeuvres (something which we never see, by the way). And even taking into account the vagaries of monster movie science, while insects the size of the ones in this film are a physical impossibility, it is hard to swallow that their exoskeletons, rather necessary for their bodies to operate and keep form, could have hardened so quickly, especially in what seems to be mere minutes in many cases.

Despite the basic unbelievability of the hybridization of wasp characteristics, I am happy to report that I too found the creature effects -- averaged out, of course -- as neat as Aaron did. There were a few moments that had me cringing as the filmmakers would wish, and I chalk this up to their having sold the illusion properly to me. Like Harbinger Down, the discarded facial skins of the victims can be seen hanging off the limbs or body of the monster, and I found it as effectively gruesome here as I did in that film. The film is exceptionally gory, as it should be, and there is a genuine sense of menace from the invading creatures through much of the film. 

However, after watching the much superior creature puppetry, the small bits of CGI that have been used in Stung stick out like the red lipstick that your least favorite aunt's poodle pops out at you every time you are forced to pet him on your bi-monthly visits. There is a fire effect used late in the film that looks terrible close up during the action in which it is used, and looks even worse from a distance when we see it on top of a vehicle flying down the road. Bad digital fire and explosions have already ruined at least one episode of Psych for me, along with other shows and films. Here, it just made me laugh out loud after I had been fairly, though not totally, caught up in the ceaseless wasp attack. And, by the way, fire apparently does not burn either insect or human flesh even when both are enveloped in what must be several minutes. This I learned from Stung.

Stung does have a couple of strong cards hidden in its hand. The first is that the slimy, skeezy son of the matriarch who owns the estate is played by Clifton Collins, Jr., and true to form, he is gives his usual, off-kilter performance in what could have been a nothing role. (It's still not much of a role, however.) He's twitchy, he's nervous, and he's beyond weird, and fits in well with the premise in which he is more than likely to have had a hand in bringing down on his party guests. Stung is also brightened by the presence of Lance Henriksen, who just so happened to appear in Harbinger Down as well. As the mayor of the town in which the estate is located, Henriksen gets a chance for a little character work before the film becomes rife with bug attacks for good. He, unfortunately has to deal with lines like "That young man has balls of steel. To be a man you have to be a man." And to be an actor, you have to deliver your lines, whether they are weighted down by stupidity or not. Henriksen does his job, and with his practically trademarked gravitas makes us believe that his character means every dumb thing he says.

But the lead characters are where the film has real problems (besides that stupid fire scene). The actors (Jessica Cook and Matt O'Leary) are appealing and do fine with what they have been given, but Stung tries both too hard (at first) and then not hard at all (the remainder of the film) to convince us that these two belong together. There was potential for some fun toying with sexual politics here, but it gets squandered and resorts to the obvious at every turn. Paul, a nebbish basically rejected by Julia at the beginning of the film (though it is clear she finds him a little cute), goes Die Hard on the wasps, and we discover there is potentially a man of action underneath his juggling stoner exterior. He takes to fighting giant wasps as if to the manner born, and don't think for a second that Julia doesn't notice this. However, he is no Bruce Willis, and there are definite limits to his badassery. To counter this, Julia will get ample opportunity to strip down to her inner Ripley and save Paul's bacon more than once. (She has a good cry first before she releases the Rip though.)

I guess someone could argue that the filmmakers are just trying to outguess our expectations for each character, but from the way the behavior of the wasps were not so carefully considered, it is hard to believe any discussion of the motivations of Paul and Julia went beyond, "They don't realize they are perfect for each other. Then he goes nuts on the wasps, and then she goes nuts on the wasps. And then maybe they bang."

In the end, despite the fun wasp attacks, I enjoyed Stung far less than I did Harbinger Down. Because of moments like the CGI fire scene, Stung comes closer to the territory that I thought it was going to represent when I first put it on, which was in the realm of a Syfy-style, tongue-in-cheek production where there would be little regard given to making the effects work even semi-believable. To their credit, director Benni Diez and his crew (the film is a German production filmed in English) do a decent job in making Stung as watchable as it is. If you just want to see a film where giant wasps attack a group of truly stupid humans, this is your huckleberry.

But if you like your burning bugs nice and crispy (and your side dish composed of charred human forearm), you are going to be disappointed.