Technically, doesn't a "preview" still count as a "view"?

"Hi! Glad to see you've made it to our little preview.

"I'd like to thank all of you for coming out in the rain to see us. You guys are in luck, because you are part of one of the first audiences that gets to see the upcoming brand-new, animated -- "

This is pretty close to the way that "Vicki," the MovieView representative seemingly in charge of Sunday afternoon's preview showing of ^%$#%$(#@^*, greeted us once we had been wanded, strip-searched, groped, patted and all but rogered to make sure no one was sneaking any recording devices (including cell phones), and then sent to our seats to await confirmation of the film we had been invited to see. Jen and I were about 99% sure of the film's title -- they didn't exactly hide the details that would have kept it a total secret -- and we were pretty certain everyone else there knew it as well. In fact, the people next to me were openly talking about it, so let's mark that on our scoresheet as "definitely sure."

"Vicki" may have actually said , "You guys are in luck, because you are part of the first audience to see the upcoming brand-new, animated --," but it has gotten screwed up in my mind by this point, so I wanted to hedge my bets by expanding the range somewhat over what she may have/may not have said to us. For this same reason, and in the interests of libel prevention, there probably wasn't any groping, patting and strip-searching going on either. The real truth is that we did, however, have to form a queue which led us through a metal detector, we had to let them rifle through our pocket items, and we also let them wand us too. (If someone was accidentally rogered at this point, I am unaware of it -- but let's say they were.)

And so we sat down, got the nicey-nice spiel, and watched the upcoming, brand-new animated -- oh, but I am waaay ahead of myself. There was the matter of how we ended up at this event. 24 hours before, we stood in line for tickets to Michael Clayton at the AMC 30 at the Block Theatres in Orange. The Block is a place we do not normally hit -- we have only seen a handful of movies there -- as it is generally laden with a zillion slightly snooty teenagers, a trait which seems to ignore the fact that they only live in Orange. In Newport, it would be moderately forgivable, but not Orange. (The teenagers at The Block might not actually be "slightly snotty"... they might just be assholes. For the purpose of moving on with this, we shall merely refer to them as "slighty snotty" assholes.)

So, waiting to purchase the Michael Clayton tickets that would then allow us to complete our collection of this year's Best Picture nominees, we were struck on our portside bow by a man bearing handouts: sheets that would enable us to get into a free preview the following afternoon. When someone asks me if I want to see a free movie, I always say "yes, goddamnit!," no matter what it is about or who is in it or even what pushy religion might be trying to snatch me into their seemingly caring grip. (Usually at the point where I add the "goddamnit" part, the pushy religion backs off. I usually speak with purpose, even when it seems I do not.) All we had to do is give them a phone call, confirm our presence at the event the next day, and then show up 45 minutes before the show. He also, because he did not know I was cursed to always say "yes, goddamnit!" to these things, felt the need to give us the hard sell on the product to be on display. "I can't tell you what the title is, but I can tell you it is an animated film set to be released this summer, and it is from Dreamworks."

Anyone with a computer (which is pretty much everyone that I know now, except perhaps my grandmothers and Jen's grandpa) has access to IMDB or some other movie site where they can look up Dreamworks and instantly discover the full slate of any studio's upcoming productions for the next few years. But we didn't need access to the site in this case. We only knew of one movie it could be. And, despite the vocal presence of a certain star that I absolutely adore, I was actually not looking forward to seeing the film. But -- yes, goddamnit! -- I was going to see it's preview, ambivalent or not!

And this is how Jen and I found ourselves sitting at a five-months-in-advance screening of the upcoming, brand-new, animated Dreamworks comedy... Kung Fu Panda.

(To be continued tomorrow...)