It's A Very Special Cel Bloc Xmas... "The Unwrap-pening"

So, did you get everything that you wanted for Christmas?

What I wanted was a little reconciliation with a holiday with which I have increasingly lost touch, and perhaps to hide myself a bit from the rest of this truly substandard year. So I decided to dig into some old holiday Christmas cartoon "classics," some which I love, and some for which I run hot and cold depending on when I watch them.

In getting my animation blog, the Cinema 4: Cel Bloc, restarted over the past three months (at the same time as The Cinema 4 Pylon, my main site), part of the reason was for me to really dive back into getting reacquainted with many of these cartoons after concentrating so deeply on feature films for the past few years. Cinematically, animation -- especially the Looney Tunes and Merrie Melodies cartoons of Warner Bros. and Donald Duck shorts -- was my first love, not surprisingly, since cartoons are how many kids first get a notion of popular entertainment. And honestly, when I was a kid, I thought Bugs Bunny cartoons were just made for seeing on television, until my parents explained to me that they used to see them in theatres when they were kids.

It wasn't until I started discovering, mostly under my own volition, the films of Buster Keaton, Charlie Chaplin, Humphrey Bogart, Errol Flynn, the Marx Brothers, Danny Kaye, Ray Harryhausen, Orson Welles, and Hammer and Universal horror flicks (for example) that I really started getting a sense of the true expanse of the history of cinema. And in gaining that sense, I began to learn more about animation, and how so many of the characters that I was seeing on Saturday morning television, as a wee child in the late '60s and through my true growing up period in the '70s, had their roots in movie theatres. I always kind of knew that about the Disney films. since some of my earliest movie-going experiences were Pinocchio and The Jungle Book, and in watching episodes of The Wonderful World of Disney (a mainstay of my youth) where they often had old intros by Walt himself, I was able to ascertain the connection between his film work and the television world into which he expanded his empire.

But apart from Disney, so many of the characters that I knew only from TV: Bugs, Daffy, the Road Runner, Popeye, Casper the Friendly Ghost, Woody Woodpecker, Heckle and Jeckle, Mighty Mouse, the Pink Panther, Tom and Jerry, Droopy, etc., had all been created initially to be seen on the big screen, not just by children in a ghettoized set of hours on a single day on the weekend, but in theatres on any day, with any showing, and by adults as well as children. I found books on animation at the local library and even in my school library, and also read biographies on Walt Disney (a book by Bob Thomas, which I know now was a suck-up job to the Disney family, but loved then) and Tex Avery (Joe Adamson's Tex Avery: King of Cartoons... find one). I was drawing a lot then, and made my own stupid attempts at animation, though not with using a camera. Finding flip animation too dull and having limited resources (i.e., no movie camera), I did have a very beloved and well-used typewriter at my disposal, and I got deep into writing screenplays for cartoons that would never get made.

And that was pretty much the deepest I got into animation as my teens came along. I became a bit of a lost cause to most people, my studies suffered greatly, and I concentrated more on the history of film in general rather than solely on animation. Through the early VHS years, I became a horror fanatic, though I still purchased nearly any cartoon collection that came along. Years later, with a massive stack of cartoons at my disposal, I would organize a couple of animation marathon sleepovers, where a passel of friends would crash on my living room floor and attempt to stay up all night watching hours and hours of cartoons. The fact that Anchorage, Alaska at that time had the world's first 24-hour cartoon channel on UHF also played a large part in the resurgence of animation in my life.

And through all of this, I always had a bit of a fascination -- almost like a sub-genre of fascination -- with cartoons that had a Christmas theme. There weren't a lot of them, surprisingly; most of what we tend to consider as the classics of Christmas animation, justifiably, were specials created directly for television, such as the Rankin-Bass multitude of shows, and the Charlie Brown special. But as for theatrical cartoons with holiday themes, they mostly tended to just get mixed in with the rest of the cartoons. Take the Warner Bros.' output as an example. With over a thousand theatrical released from 1930 through the late '60s when they ceased production, there are only a handful of Warner Bros. shorts that have a holiday theme, even in a light way. You'd think that with such a long run and success, that there would be annual Christmas shorts from their studio, but such was not the case. (Were they operating as such capacity today, they would undoubtedly do such a thing; the holidays are just too, too big a business now.)

VHS was a good place to find a concentration of these cartoons, as I mentioned in one of my posts this month (the one on Snow Foolin'). However, these tapes were usually rather cheap and contained often terrible prints of the same public domain cartoons over and over again. But as the only way to see many of these shorts consistently, you took what you could get. (The same situation with cheap PD cartoons continues on DVD today; they are all over the Amazon site. Anyone can put one out and sell it.)

As for the cartoons that I selected for this month of Christmas/winter celebration, I tried to mix things up a bit, and not go too heavy on one studio or director. I also tried to mix a bit of the more obscure in here as well. Did I succeed in allaying my blues of the past year, and in reconnecting with Christmas? A bit of both, I suppose. Posting these articles allowed me to lose myself in the creative process as I prepared myself for the coming year. I got to put each of these cartoons under my microscope and get to know them more fully. The ones that I loved going in I now probably love a little more, and the ones that were on the fence mostly got off it in either direction, but I at least have a more definite opinion as to how I feel about each one.

Most of all, I came out of the experience still loving the holiday. And still loving cartoons. So if that is the best present that I will get this year (though the 50" Smart TV Jen's mom surprised us with last night is definitely in the running), then that is just fine.

Here are the holiday cartoons that I reviewed over the past month as part of this theme. Each photo and title are linked to the article for that cartoon:

Tom Turk and Daffy (1944)

The Shanty Where Santy Claus Lives (1933)

Toyland Premiere (1934)

Jack Frost (1934)

Santa's Surprise (1947)

Hector's Hectic Life (1949)

Snow Foolin' (1949)

Broken Toys (1935)

Ginger Nutt's Christmas Circus (1949)

Gift Wrapped (1952)

Bedtime for Sniffles (1940)

And if you are still in the mood for more Christmas cartoon goodness:

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer (1948)

And finally, here is a Krazy Kat and Ignatz Mouse cartoon without a Christmas or winter theme, but has a pretty good Santa Claus gag right smack in the middle of it:

L'il Ainjil (1936)

Happy Holidays! Merry Christmas to everyone! I hope you have been enjoying these cartoons as I did.

RTJ

Holiday Remix of the Return of the Son of Terrible Movies Promo Blowout! [Pt. 3]

[To read Pt. 1 of this series, click here, and for Pt. 2, click here.]

Having established the importance of the late night horror movie programs, The World's Most Terrible Movies and Son of Terrible Movies, in my personal development as a movie fanatic, I still have some unfinished business to impart to you. Namely, I have just a few more promos from these programs that I have not shared yet, and a couple of them tie rather coincidentally to both the time of year and to a recent major release currently in movie theatres at this moment.

Promos for local television tend to be rather bland, but every once in a while, you see something different and special. In the late '70s, Richard Gay and his fellow staffers at KIMO-TV were clearly having fun with a phenomenon that was still pretty fresh back then, but which is having a massive, worldwide resurgence right now: Star Wars. Perhaps you have heard of it. In the promo above, film reels have a laser battle in space with a microphone or a stack of dixie cups on top of a microphone, or something like that. Sure, it is about as cheap as cheap can be, and is all the more wonderful for it. Seeing something like this on late night TV was what utter joy was all about for a kid, especially one who was already stoked from dreams of joining the rebellion thanks to Star Wars mania.

The World's Most Terrible Movies programs weren't always relegated to late night, however. They also sometimes moved around on the KIMO-TV Channel 13 schedule depending on the situation; for example, Christmas. The promo above for Santa Claus Conquers the Martians was for an afternoon showing on Christmas Day. I was introduced to this film on a similar showing, though not the one being promoted, a few years earlier on one of the local channels (my memory has it as Channel 2, the NBC affiliate, KTUU). It was probably the first truly awful film that I saw where I realized it was awful but was enjoying it tremendously at the same time. For kids, you either love or hate something, and watching something purposefully because you are aware that it is bad really wasn't a thing back then for the junior set. I'm still not sure it is, though as an adult, I do it almost weekly.

Some films that were shown on the programs didn't really stick with me, at least in my accessible memory. The promo above for 1974's The Night of the Sorcerers, from Tombs of the Blind Dead auteur Amando de Ossorio, is one that I do not remember seeing, though it is likely that I may have. If I had seen it on one of the Terrible Movies shows, however, I can't imagine I would have forgotten it for a very certain reason. If you watch the promo about two-thirds of the way through, there is what is popularly known as a "nipslip," in this case, it seems that when they were editing the promo, they either accidentally (or purposely) left in a quick shot of a nipple. Since one of the reasons I loved to stay up to watch the early Hammers and other '60s and '70s horrors was for the ladies, I am mad that I can't remember this one. I wonder if they showed the film unedited as well?

Going in the opposite direction, they also occasionally showed much older classic horror films too. The promo above for 1932's The Mystery of the Wax Museum is an example. By no means a "terrible" movie, unless you just outright hate horror films, Mystery would be remade in 1953 in 3D as House of Wax with Vincent Price. I love both versions, but this one has its stamp on history as well. A daring picture that has "pre-code" elements such as drug use and language, Mystery was one of two Warners' pictures released (Doctor X being the other) that were the last narrative films made using the two-strip Technicolor process. Definitely worth a visit for a variety of reasons, but my main one is the lovely Fay Wray. I can never get enough of her.

One more bit for this go-around. The promo I remember most from The World's Most Terrible Movies show was the one above where a long-haired guy goes fishing in what I believe is Ship Creek in Anchorage and catches a movie reel. He even clubs it after catching it, and then has another passing fisherman take a picture of him with his catch. This clip definitely has the most Alaskan flair to it out of all the promos, not something I normally take pride in, but I will say this particular one always stuck with me the most. It may be that now I am down in Southern California that I have became more protective of my Alaskan status. I have never cared for the thought of belonging to a particular culture or group, but I will admit that growing up in a certain environment does color how you approach or perceive every other thing you encounter in your life.

I hope you enjoyed the third part of my ongoing feature on The World's Most Terrible Movies program. I would once again like to thank Richard Gay, who created and produced the show, for contacting me a few years ago and allowing me to use his catalog of clips online. And if you have not read the first two parts, links to each article are at the top of this post.

You can also watch all of the clips on The Cinema 4 Pylon YouTube channel.

[Note: The fourth and final part of this series will be posted in October 2016.]

Recently Rated Movies: The Bridges of Tortured Accents

Seventh Son (2014)
Dir.: Sergei Bodrov
TC4P: 4/9

Up until a very few years ago, I was pretty much down for any fantasy film that came my way. The cast didn't matter, the special effects didn't matter, the fact that a film perhaps had a budget that was far too low for what it was trying to accomplish could only endear it to me more... and story? Who cares if it didn't make a lick of sense in the real world. All I needed was a dragon, assorted monsters, a wizard or a witch or two, some swashbuckling action, and some damsels in distress. And if the damsels in distress turned out to be the ones doing the swashbuckling, even better. (Sorry, guys... based on aesthetics alone, tough women are infinitely more interesting to watch than sweaty, nasty men.) 

Then digital happened. Then CGI happened. The ability to expand the size of battles and monster fights and all manner of wizardry happened. Films starting looking more and more gray-bluish and turd-brownish the more CGI was used. This didn't effect just fantasy films, but also science-fiction, historical epics, and war films. Every film, despite the disparate story elements and genres, all started looking the same to me, to the point where going to see a simple, two-person drama with bare bones camerawork (which once was anathema to me) seemed to be a reasonable antidote. And with the sameness, and of course, the success of giant franchises that ensured that knockoffs would hit us left and right, came the curse of too many films. We became inundated with movie after movie that all looked like the exact movie we saw the week before, in the same way that I right now can't tell the film version of The Giver from The Maze Runner from Divergent from The Hunger Games.

When I first saw the trailer for Seventh Son in a theatre, I was understandably confused. I had been for many years a fan of Orson Scott Card (and people, it is OK to still enjoy a person's writing even if you don't agree with his personal/political stance on some things). Apart from the Ender's Game series, I really loved The Tales of Alvin Maker series (though admittedly, I have not read the most recent two books in the currently six-book line). But here was the trailer for a film named Seventh Son, which is the title of the very first book in the Alvin Maker series, and yes, here onscreen is, like that book, a young apprentice who is the seventh son of a seventh son. But then dragons and witches and monsters show up in the trailer, and in my head, I start thinking that Hollywood has really screwed up this time. That's not the book I remember. Isn't it supposed to be in an alternate timeline of America? Where are the Native Americans? I scanned the very quick credits card that flashed at the end of the trailer and saw no sign of Card's name, and realized it was a totally different property. And since the trailer didn't look that interesting, there would be no need for me to see it until video.

And see it on video, I have. Years ago, I would have loved Seventh Son. It has Julianne Moore as a truly evil witch with little remorse, and that is OK with me, because I will watch her in anything. The film has a multitude of dragons and monsters, and that too is still OK with me, because I am at heart purely a monster guy. The monster effects here run hot and cold with me; every time that I was wowed by a particular effect, the next one would be a letdown. But there is one huge lizard-monster that slathers and slobbers effectively, so that sat well with me. Seventh Son also has Olivia Williams, and she kind of falls into the same camp as Moore for me, but she is sorely underused (as she often is). The film tries to go far too big given how thin its story is, which I guess would be to allow for more action from its male lead, Jeff Bridges, as an aging knight -- actually a "spook" in the parlance of this film -- who battles witches for a living but who long ago was involved in a tragically romantic way with Moore's sorceress. And this is where I really ran into trouble with Seventh Son.

Since I first saw Bridges in Thunderbolt and Lightfoot in the 1970s, ol' Jeff has been one of my consistently favorite actors. For a long time, I felt he was highly underrated and misused in Hollywood; suddenly, after over 30 years in the biz, the massive cult success of The Big Lebowski solidified him in the minds of the public forever, and then his Oscar win for Crazy Heart (after four previous nominations) just added to his legend. Since then, apart from True Grit (which was a smart choice and earned another Oscar nod), I feel he has gotten sloppy in the usual way of actors who have finally won an Oscar and then don't seem to try as hard. (R.I.P.D. anyone?) Then again, Jeff always did have a strange way of picking projects throughout his career.

And here in Seventh Son, taking on an action-heavy role, it seems that Bridges may have gotten too far out of his element. Thrust into a fairy-tale setting without a definite period -- I suppose we could define it mockingly as "medieval timeless" -- it is still noticeably European in look and feel, with most of the characters speaking with British accents. Not known for his Shakespeare, Bridges makes an odd attempt at his own style of accent, that doesn't seek to replicate the inflection of a certain people as much as he instead growl-shouts most of his lines in the hopes of landing somewhere near an accent that seems to fit in with the rest of the cast. And he is wildly inconsistent with it. 

Despite this, the more tender moments in the script (though there are few of them) are his better ones, where the growl-shout is turned down to a mere growl-mumble -- which could be Rooster Cogburn in armor for all we care -- and he is allowed to communicate more through close-ups with his considerable gift at charismatic expression. Overall though, it is a performance that I wouldn't be surprised gained a Razzie nomination this year (it came out theatrically in February 2015), and as much as it pains me, I would have to agree with the selection if they did. I can often admire actors who try things they never would normally try, but it seems that Ol' Jeff bit off more than he could chew here. (Strangely, he actually underplays in many instances, so the scenery is at least safe.)

There is considerable talent behind the camera: director Sergei Bodrov (Mongol), three-time Oscar winning production designer Dante Ferretti, composer Marco Beltrami, and co-writer Steven Knight (Dirty Pretty Things), and apart from Ferretti's work, it is all for naught. Especially galling is Beltrami's score, which is just far too over-the-top at every second of the film, and you wished for a defter touch in every scene. Combined with that wash of overall mediocre special effects work, and Seventh Son makes you wonder if is actually the work of a bunch of fourth sons of third son-of-a-bitches.

RTJ

The 50 ________ Songs of 2015, Pt. 2

[Note: The first part of this 2-part piece was published on Friday, 12/10/15 and can be read here: http://bit.ly/1RHBuiF.]

Let's recap:

I went through the first 25 songs on Rolling Stone's 50 Best Songs of 2015 list -- the back half, as it were -- yesterday. I watched and/or listened to each of the provided videos, and in most cases I tried to just listen to the song and not let the video influence me [in case of Rihanna, break glass]. What I found is that I liked more of the songs than I expected. Here's the tally:

Total number of songs so far: 25
Songs I have heard before: 5, with 3 maybes.
Songs that I own already: 3
Loved: 5 | Liked: 10 | Hated: 0 | Meh: 10
Songs that I plan to purchase: 8 definitely; 4 maybes.

Surprise of surprises... I ended up liking way more of the first 25 songs than I thought that I would. And the five songs that I profess to love were not necessarily the five that I had heard before. And liking/loving 60% of the music opened the door to the possibility of expanding my collection in the near future. The biggest surprise is that I didn't hate anything outright (but don't worry, something or two is bound to come up in the other half of the list). There were a full ten songs that I didn't care for, but I didn't really despise any of them either. And now I have heard full songs by Drake and Selena Gomez and lived to tell the tale. (Just don't ask me to talk about the Selena Gomez video; I just got out of therapy.)

Now, on to the other half of the list and we shall see how things progress...

*****

Rik's Take on Rolling Stone's 50 Best Songs of 2015, Pt. 2
#25 - Dawes, "All Your Favorite Bands"
Heard of the artist? Oh, sure.
Own any of their music? I am shocked to not find anything in my collection.
Heard this song? No.
Would you purchase this song? Most certainly.

This is the sort of song the Eagles would do if the Eagles weren't a bunch of assholes and could wish well on anyone else besides themselves. An extremely pleasing song with just the right touch of sincerity and wistfulness rare qualities these days. The closing line on the chorus (containing the song's title) is richly satisfying. I would almost like to hear Roger McGuinn, John Fogerty, Mike Nesmith, and Tom Petty team up Traveling Wilburys-style to do a cover of this.

#24 - Chvrches, "Leave a Trace"
Heard of the artist? Sadly, no.
Own any of their music? Surprisingly, no.
Heard this song? In my dreams.
Would you purchase this song? Seems a fair bet.

Just a terrific electro-pop sound. It shimmers and glistens, and Lauren Mayberry's vocals propel everything forward with an urgency that doesn't allow you to relax. A trio that I want to investigate further. I am actually rather surprised they are new to me. You'd think I would have heard them on a CMJ sampler at some point.

#23 - Beck, "Dreams"
Heard of the artist? Of course.
Own any of his music? All of it. Including this single.
Heard this song? Yes.
Would you purchase this song? Too late!

Dreamy disco, but with a more muscular edge. After a Morning Phase, a party seems to have gotten underway at Beck's house. As long as I can listen to it from an adjoining room by myself, I want to be at that party. I already have the single, but good for Rolling Stone in selecting it for this list. That Beck guy never gets any attention. Well, since the last Grammys.

#22 - Donnie Trumpet and the Social Experiment, "Sunday Candy"
Heard of the artist? Never Trumpet. But I learned about Chance the Rapper last week.
Own any of their music? Nope trumpet.
Heard this song? Nope trumpet.
Would you purchase this song? Not sure if I would listen to it more than a couple of times. I mainly love that it exists. May buy it just to support it.

I think the word for this song (and the accompanying video) is "charming". I really only heard about Chance the Rapper last week when he was blasting Spike Lee for his new film Chi-raq in misrepresenting Chicago's South Side. Never been there (which was Chance's assertion regarding Spike), so I'm not going to weigh in on this or on whether grandmothers are really doing their job in Chicago, considering how violent it has become. But we are talking about the music here, and this is my first experience hearing anything involving Chance. He certainly loves his grandma, and  I must say this is a fun song about a grandma that just wants everything in the world to be the best for her kids. Setting aside the video rule I sort of established, the school play style used to sell the song works very well. It almost makes you wish for a full musical with this song as a centerpiece. A song where the perversity and jadedness generally ascribed to the hiphop genre goes away completely, and where sincerity and love reign. And speaking as a jaded pervert, quite refreshing.

#21 - Alessia Cara, "Here"
Heard of the artist? No.
Own any of her music? No.
Heard this song? No.
Would you purchase this song? Flat out... yes.

Stunned. Loved it. I hate parties too, as you may have gathered from my Beck statement. You know that room off to the side where only two people are sitting talking? I'm in that room. Apparently Alessia is hanging out there too. A hypnotic song with a trippy dreamscape and some hip hop stylings that speak to me for once. As I said... stunned. This is pretty cool.

#20 - Alabama Shakes, "Don't Wanna Fight"
Heard of the artist? Boy howdy!
Own any of their music? Most certainly.
Heard this song? Already own it.
Would you purchase this song? See above statement.

Already a big fan of Brittany Howard and her band. The lady is amazing (and I hate using that word). But that's is exactly what she is. Voice, guitar, songwriting... really want to see them live.

#19 - Nathaniel Rateliff and the Night Sweats, "S.O.B."
Heard of the artist? Sad that I haven't.
Own any of their music? No.
Heard this song? No.
Would you purchase this song? I believe that I might.

With a video mostly populated by bearded weirds, all concerns regarding extreme hipsterism overtaking the world are set aside once the thundering chorus strikes up in S.O.B. "Son of a bitch, give me a drink! / One more night escaping me / Son of a bitch, If I can't get clean / I'm gonna drink my life away!" It's like a Murder City Devils song, but with a horn section and gospel backing vocals replacing the shredding punk guitars. Giving in to depravity has never sounded so fun.

#18 - Lana Del Rey, "High by the Beach"
Heard of the artist? We're on the same planet, aren't we? We aren't?
Own any of her music? Just a pair of remixed singles.
Heard this song? No, and I am a bit surprised.
Would you purchase this song? Probably not, but I will watch the video again.

Speaking of hipsterism, I am never sure how I am supposed to be feel about Lana. I think she and her voice are both attractive, but they both come off just a bit too glossy. Too much of a put on is just too much of a turn off for me. But she is everywhere that I turn around, even one of pals' Facebook posts when he worked the lights at one of her shows, which is why I am surprised that I haven't heard this song before. I didn't really like it all that much, probably because the chorus doesn't appeal to this straight shooter who thinks getting "high by the beach" is getting a Frisbee stuck atop the lifeguard tower. I understand the sentiment though, and I suppose that the next time I run away to the beach to wash the world from my brain (it happens once in a while), this song may pop more for me.

#17 - Tame Impala, "Let It Happen"
Heard of the artist? Yeah. Bored now.
Own any of their music? No. Still bored, then and now.
Heard this song? No. We don't go to the same parties.
Would you purchase this song? Unlikely. Even less than unlikely.

This does nothing for me. Is the Gregorian chanting thing back suddenly?

#16 - Madonna, "Ghosttown"
Heard of the artist? Isn't she God by now?
Own any of her music? The requisite singles collections (that I have never listened to); no albums though.
Heard this song? No.
Would you purchase this song? Not bad, but probably not until The Immaculate Collection XIV comes out.

Madonna is still breathing? Even after she had that stupid grill in her mouth? Not bad Madonna, but not great either. And I am disappointed she wasn't remaking the spooky ska classic by the Specials. Now that would have been strange and honestly fascinating to hear. As it is, strictly MOR.

#15 - Grimes, "Flesh without Blood"
Heard of the artist? Yes.
Own any of their music? Not yet.
Heard this song? No.
Would you purchase this song? There is a probability that something of hers will catch with me, and then this song may get sucked into that vortex.

Claire Boucher is kind of interesting, and by interesting, I mean weird. I've seen her videos before, but not the one for this song, and she somewhat gives truth to Let's Go to the Mall from How I Met Your Mother. But she is also pretty good. I have a feeling that one day she may put out something that will make the entire world, including yours truly, go bonkers. Staying tuned... 

#14 - The Arcs, "Stay in My Corner"
Heard of the artist? Yes.
Own any of their music? Just Dan Auerbach's Black Keys stuff.
Heard this song? Yes
Would you purchase this song? Very likely. I am a completist.

I love me some Dan Auerbach, but when these guys (his side project from the Black Keys) played this song on Late Night with Stephen Colbert a bit ago, I picked up immediately on the Jealous Guy near-rip. It's a lovely song, and goes a different direction than Lennon, but I can't get past that it reminds me of another song with which I have close identification. (Not for the subject matter, but for the proximity to Lennon's death.) I will end up owning this anyway because of Auerbach and because I want to hear the rest of the album.

#13 - Bully, "Trying"
Heard of the artist? No.
Own any of their music? No. I'm scared of bullies.
Heard this song? No. Quit making me punch myself with my own fist.
Would you purchase this song? Jee-zus! Enough already. Yes, yes... (Is she gone yet?) No.

This is OK. I like tough girl rock, but this doesn't come off hard enough for me. The song is catchy, but I doubt that I would listen to it much were I to buy it. Only if I put it in a mix.

#12 - Foals, "What Went Down"
Heard of the artist? Yes, but barely.
Own any of their music? One song from 2007.
Heard this song? No.
Would you purchase this song? Most likely that will be what goes down.

Wheelhouse met. Target acquired. Pretty certain I should have paid more attention to these guys before this.

#11 - The Weeknd, "The Hills"
Heard of the artist? This guy again?
Own any of his music? No.
Heard this song? Yes.
Would you purchase this song? I only download when it's half past five. The Weeknd should understand that I don't want a real relationship.

"I only love it when you touch me, not feel me / When I'm fucked up, that's the real me" The guy in this song is a pain in the ass, and if it really represents Abel in his real life, that is sad. What a shitty relationship the couple in this oozingly creepy song have. (Love the slasher movie aesthetic.) Fairly fascinating that this went to #1; what does that say about the audience. I'm not putting the song down; I actually think it's decent. But it makes me ponder why a lyrical stance like this is appealing or even acceptable to so many.

#10 - Jack Ü feat. Justin Bieber, "Where Are Ü Now"
Heard of the artist? The main people involved? All three.
Own any of their music? Of course not.
Heard this song? I thought I must have, but it is not recognizable.
Would you purchase this song? Of course not.

From Rolling Stone's description about this song being "one of the year's most instantly indelible sounds," I figured I must have heard this at some point in my travels. But no, nothing seems familiar here. This does break my run of never having heard a track featuring Justin Bieber all the way through (as it was with Selena Gomez), and like with her, it wasn't painful. The music reminds me somewhat of Peter Gabriel's polyrhythmic experiments, and the sound of Bieber's voice after they have run it through a mangle and squeezed every drop out of it is intriguing. But do I need to hear it again. Not likely.

#9 - Tobias Jesso Jr., "How Could You Babe"
Heard of the artist? No.
Own any of his music? Not yet.
Heard this song? Just now.
Would you purchase this song? More investigation needed.

I'm a huge Nilsson fan, and damn if this kid doesn't seem like the second coming. I don't think that Jesso's voice is as strong as Schmilsson's, nor do I think this song is anywhere near the Nilsson level -- it sounds like a nice try though -- but the comparisons are undeniable. Gotta keep my eye on this kid.

#8 - Future, "Fuck Up Some Commas"
Heard of the artist? No.
Own any of his music? No.
Heard this song? Sadly, yes.
Would you purchase this song? I would purchase his record company to put it out of business.

Just some of the stupidest crap I have ever heard. Can Rhino put out an updated World's Worst Records comp? Speaking as an English wonk, I got really excited when I saw commas in the title, like when Vampire Weekend did Oxford Comma. No such luck for me here; this is strictly about the Benjamins. Money, money, and more money... what some people will buy to allow the sorely untalented an unwarranted success. This is deeply painful.

#7 - Kendrick Lamar, "King Kunta"
Heard of the artist? Of course.
Own any of his music? Nope.
Heard this song? Nope.
Would you purchase this song? There are scenarios where it could happen.

I take most rapper boasts to be farts in the wind. They make a strong statement, but then mercifully dissipate as quick as they came in. Its why the genre has no play with me, as I just see the worst of it as a lot of childish young men making the noise that childish young men do. I yelled a lot and did dumb things at their age too. (And at my current age.) The best of it though... it hurts a little to admit it, but I liked this song. Not to the point where I am ready to add this to my library, but I am not against hearing it again. The lyrics are agile and playful and sharp, with pointed barbs landing hits on his detractors. It almost feels like he is shadowboxing as he sings. Can he back it up? I don't really care. My only dip into Kendrick's world is when I duck into a song like this. Done right, such a side trip can be exhilarating.

#6 - Adele, "Hello"
Heard of the artist? Doesn't she run the world, like, right now?
Own any of her music? One song off a podcast.
Heard this song? Is the world flat?
Would you purchase this song? Don't need to. We will hear it everywhere forever.

How much pressure is there on guys who sleep with Adele, knowing full well she is probably eventually going to write an entire album about how upset she is over breaking up with you or over not breaking with you? It's like Taylor Swift, but on a more mature level (Adele is only two years only than Taylor, but they are worlds apart). And also because Adele seems to be able to maintain an actual relationship with a human being. Adele's music is not my bag -- this song doesn't stick with me -- but that doesn't mean that I write her sound off at all. I have admitted to my wife that I found some of Adele's songs stuck in my head for days after I have heard them on the radio, and that's not bad. There is considerable craft at hand, and her voice is a wonder. But overall it is not what I am looking for in music. And I never have to make any effort to hear her music anywhere, because it has become the very essence of our age it seems. At some point, Hello may get stuck in my head the same as some of her other songs, and I will know that I am full of crap.

#5 - Jamie xx feat. Young Thug, Popcaan, "I Know There's Gonna Be (Good Times)"
Heard of the artist? None of the lot.
Own any of their music? Ha ha! Very droll...
Heard this song? The Persuasions sampled used in it, yes. But not this song.
Would you purchase this song? Not a chance. What stupid lyrics.

I know that I am being Captain Literal here, Young Thug, but if it is true that "I'ma ride in that pussy like a stroller," then I don't think good times are in store for you. What a stupid, stupid song, and I must take issue with the Rolling Stone writer(s) for calling this "2015's sunniest summer jam". For a magazine that prides itself on its longtime liberal stance to look past the issue of the highly misogynistic lyrics in songs like this (and some others on this list) is hypocritical to a massive degree. I don't see how this is in any way sunny. The girls must remain bitches and hos, and are ready for sex but only whenever the man wants it. "I wanna control you like it's voodoo." Good times, but mostly for the boys, I guess he means.

#4 - Courtney Barnett, "Pedestrian at Best"
Heard of the artist? I should have... I own two of her songs, but I ignored them.
Own any of her music? Two songs, including this one, off of KCRW's podcast.
Heard this song? Ignored it until now. Very mad about it.
Would you purchase this song? Obviously own it. But now I am definitely going to check out an album.

Dammit, I have owned this song for a year and never listened to it before. And I also own one of her other songs and never listened to it either. When Pedestrian at Best starts out, I first thought of an Australian Joan Jett, but when her speed-talking vocals chime in, I thought Dylan. Four lines in though, it hit me: Art Brut. Not the art movement, but the band, with lead singer Eddie Argos reeling off his dissatisfaction with everything in the world in a very undecorated style. This is really sardonic and witty and a blast of fun. One of the best songs on this list, probably in my top two. 

#3 - Drake, "Hotline Bling"
Heard of the artist? Even if I hadn't, he was further up on this list.
Own any of his music? Still not a chance.
Heard this song? Yes.
Would you purchase this song? Don't need to. Part of the basic culture now.

For a song with one tiny hook, it goes on about twice as long as it needs to, but Hotline Bling is not bad. Drake's dance moves in the video are kind of dumb (and much talked about), and I really wish he had worked in some of the low-hanging finger pointing at the floor that Steve Martin and Dan Aykroyd did in their wild and crazy Festrunk Brothers days. If you are already going to catch a load of crap for your dancing, why not make it intentionally funny?

#2 - Fetty Wap, "Trap Queen"
Heard of the artist? Hard not to...
Own any of his music? Not a ghostly chance in hell.
Heard this song? Heard of it, yes, but heard it until now? No.
Would you purchase this song? Catchy, but not my thing. No repeats.

While this song plays, your body tells you it likes it, but once it ends, that hook that was driving your impulses evaporates. I was hoping the lyrics had more heft to them, but once Fetty establishes his love of drugs, Lamborghinis, strip clubs, and his bitch, it's just more money obsession. The last thing I would ever do is take a shower with money, because that stuff is filthy. I get money, you ain't gonna see it. A dumb fantasy that is probably more true to life than most, and that bothers me. I really was hoping for more from this song after hearing so many references to it nearly everywhere, even games shows and news programs.

#1 - The Weeknd, "Can't Feel My Face"
Heard of the artist? Third time's a charm... I must know his name by now.
Own any of their music? Still no.
Heard this song? Posilutely absotively.
Would you purchase this song? A mild possibility.

Is it too late to say that I am sensing a trend with this list? The Weeknd's third title on the list, and of course I have heard this one, even if I didn't hear him play it live on TV at least twice this year. I know that when I can't feel my face, it's because I have eaten wheat. It doesn't matter who I am with at the time. I don't think that's what is going on here. Superbly catchy, and the Michael Jackson comparisons are apt. This has that kind of excitement we all had early on with Michael. Setting himself on fire (but with CGI instead of real flame, smartly) probably ties it all together.

*****

So, where does that leave us? Here's the final tally for the whole list, with the numbers for Pt. 2 combined with the numbers at the top of this article:

Total number of songs so far: 50
Songs I have heard before: 13, with 3 maybes.
Songs that I own already: 6
Loved: 10 | Liked: 18 | Hated: 2 | Meh: 20
Songs that I plan to purchase: 14 definitely; 8 maybes.

I find it quite intriguing that it took until the top ten on a list that Rolling Stone defines as the Best 50 of the year (in ascending order of quality) to find two songs that really pissed me off to no end. And also that I liked or loved over half of the list. I expected the "Meh" responses to be even higher, but it was pleasant to see that I still find hope on the pop charts, even if most of the ones I did like fall closer to the genres of post-punk, roots rock, and power pop that I prefer.

And as in the first part, I powered my way through an artist of whom I had never before sat down to sit to one of their songs -- Justin Bieber -- and wasn't repulsed by the experience. I still found the song to be "meh" in the end, but found good moments in it. This experience reminds me of the motto that I swear by when indulging in cinema -- "I will see any movie once" -- in order to give myself critical access and therefore credibility, is one that I should remember to practice with music as well. Sure, I may have over 100,000 songs in my personal collection, but there is always room for more sound. And you can't find more sound unless you try it for yourself.

RTJ

The 50 ________ Songs of 2015, Pt. 1

Screwing around on my phone the other morning, I clicked on a link that took me to some political story on Rolling Stone's website. I don't even remember what the story was, just that I had mild interest in the subject. While scanning the first few paragraphs, I saw a link on the right sidebar that read, "The 50 Best Songs of 2015".

Keep in mind, since I was about 15, I read Rolling Stone religiously. The music reviews were the very first thing that I flipped to in each issue and I read each one with ravenous glee. The slant of the rag informed my political side to where it is today, which was an added bonus, because it turns out they were on the correct side all along. I was a Rolling Stone baby. I still own the John Belushi issue that came out following his death in 1982 (my senior year in high school), amongst many others that have personal meaning to me. I had a subscription for about twenty years, and in the time since I stopped the subscription (all subscriptions to magazines really), I have continued to purchase it on occasion, depending on who was on the cover or if there was an op-ed piece that grabbed me. 

While fully admitting at this point in time that Rolling Stone has pretty much always been a major commercial entity for at least the past thirty years with little of their old "credibility" intact, I will say that the increasingly commercial direction it has especially taken the past couple of decades has gradually turned me off to the magazine. It just grew so far away from rock, the music behind its very existence, until it is really more about "pop" (with a nod to its continuing political pieces) than anything. I still look to it when I want to get a special edition that focuses only on the music of, for example, Pink Floyd or The Who -- classic rock is still at its heart, it seems, and they have the history with it -- but there have just been too many mindless pop drones and dull bands on the cover in the last few years to make me want to look at Rolling Stone regularly.

I listen to a lot of music, and I buy new music all the time; it's just not the music that Rolling Stone generally promotes anymore or that the largest chunk of the American music -- I shouldn't say "music-buying public" here -- music-sampling or music-stealing public listens to at all. And so I have grown old in a way that I always said I wouldn't. I feign interest in younger things, and can still keep up the facade for a while, but I really just don't get a chance to hear most of what is considered passable as music these days. I don't hang out in malls, I don't listen to the radio at all (I don't drive, and so I can't get trapped in rush hour traffic to the point where I might consider checking out random stations like I used to), and I don't have anyone of a younger generation hanging out around me regularly where I might hear such music. When I did have someone younger working with me, our tastes jibed and pretty much went straight to classic rock and some of the same current bands.

But I do keep an eye bent toward current trends and pop news, so I know the names, the faces, the figures... I've heard of Fetty Wap even if (until this article) I have never heard Trap Queen. (He even came up on Jeopardy a couple of weeks ago. Poor Alex.) I'm up on the big names right now and what it is they do, though it is most likely that if I have heard a single song they have done, I wasn't aware what it was or who it was doing it. And if by chance I heard a song while wandering through the grocery store that did catch my ear in a positive way, I most likely didn't have a chance to find out who it was.

Going back to the Rolling Stone article, it struck me that maybe I have been going about things all wrong. Instead of worrying about not catching up to today's culture (like I have ever actually worried), why not avoid looking like someone desperately trying to be with it, and just be someone who is only a few months behind? 

Since Rolling Stone played nice and added videos for every single song on their 50 Best Songs of 2015 list, this gives me an opportunity to not only hear music that is most likely completely new to me, but in some cases also put faces to the voices. 

And if you want to see their full list or watch all of the videos (some of them are just the music tracks) for yourself, visit:

http://www.rollingstone.com/music/lists/50-best-songs-of-2015-20151203.

*****

Rik's Take on Rolling Stone's 50 Best Songs of 2015

#50 - Titus Andronicus, "Dimed Out"
Heard of the artist? Yes.
Own any of their music? No.
Heard this song? No.
Would you purchase this song? Interested. Need to investigate further.

OK, I really liked the video (though I am trying to not let the videos sway my opinion), with the lyrics doodled on a whiteboard. The cascade of empowering lyrics, if I ever took the time to learn them, might be fun to sing along with sometime. As modern punk-pop goes, this one sounds pretty good, especially since it hearkens back to better, older punk. But I am wary when I hear that their latest album is a 29-song rock opera. I'm always up for grandiose statements and ridiculous levels of chutzpah from a young band, but I will need to dig a bit further into Titus before I attempt to tackle a full album. Still, a good start to this list.

#49 - Carly Rae Jepsen, "Run Away with Me"
Heard of the artist? Yes.
Own any of her music? No.
Heard this song? No.
Would you purchase this song? Never.

The world's lucky-duckiest sort of cutie pie, Carly Rae Jepsen lost any possible hold on me because of her horrible first pitch at a Rays/Astros game a couple of years ago. What does that have to do with music? Nothing for most, but for me... everything. I don't care if throwing off the mound messed her up, or if she threw "strike after strike" in practice (as was reported on the news), or that she took it all in stride and pretended it was as funny as the rest of the world thought it was. No, it's mainly because the song that made her famous in the first place drives me insane with violent rage. Especially when it gets stuck in my head for a year when I only heard it by accident in the first place. And then gets all "lah-di-dah... my life is so perfect... watch me throw a ball... Oops! Hee-hee!" Ugh... (Oh, and this song was just too boring. And exactly what I expected.)

#48 - Major Lazer feat. Mø, DJ Snake, "Lean On"
Heard of the artist? Neither one.
Own any of their music? Hah!
Heard this song? Nope.
Would you purchase this song? To be honest... no.

Not the type of song or music that I would normally buy, or even listen to without an interfering factor such as a soundtrack or a party. But I also don't dislike it. I get the hook, and don't necessarily care for the "blow a kiss, fire a gun" lyric in the chorus, but I do really like the instrumental bridge. I would easily listen to this, though, in a mix if I were working on a project that required a lot of concentration where I didn't really care what was playing in the background.

#47 - Cage the Elephant, "Trouble"
Heard of the artist? Yes.
Own any of their music? Two albums.
Heard this song? Preordered the album already, and this was one of the released singles.
Would you purchase this song? See both previous statements.

I'm a member of the Cage the Elephant safari, and as I mentioned above, I've already preordered the album (coming out Dec. 18). My buddy Logan told me it was coming out when I was at Disneyland with him a couple weeks ago, and he expressed some concern with the production by Dan Auerbach, thinking it might come out sounding too much like the more recent Black Keys' work (he prefers the early albums, as do I, but I like their more expansive sound as well). I think Auerbach shows a deft touch with Cage on the first three songs I have heard, and this song is a dandy and is my favorite of the three. The Rolling Stone reviewer name-checks Tommy James, but I am picking up two others as possible influences here: Frank Black of the Pixies and E. from Eels. And that spells "O-K" with me...

#46 - Kacey Musgraves, "Biscuits"
Heard of the artist? Yes.
Own any of her music? No.
Heard this song? No.
Would you purchase this song? Surprisingly, I might add this to my country cornpone collection.

I'm not a country guy. That's has been long established. But I do like a lot of older country and western music, and when the mood hits, I've run into some modern stuff that I mildly enjoy (and sometimes love outright). But it either has to hit that "ol' country" feeling, be more "roots rocky" than modern country, or be something that kind of shocks me outside of what I am expecting from modern country. Musgraves isn't doing anything extraordinary here. It's a little bit homey and a little bit tough, and the lyrics are simultaneously corny but have a "get out of my yard, dammit" edge. I think the Hee-Haw style video kind of misses the mark for what seems like a really easy target, and I wish they had been more true to the way the show was actually filmed. But this list (except for the next song on it below) is not about the videos. And I actually lightly enjoyed this song.

#45 - Rihanna, "Bitch Better Have My Money"
Heard of the artist? What a stupid question.
Own any of her music? Falls under the "very early Mariah Carey" rule for me: Love the look, honey, but your music? Ouch. Sound can be turned down though, and the video seems to go on even longer then. Which is a good thing.
Heard this song? Nope.
Would you purchase this song? Probably not. Doesn't do anything for me without the astounding video.

Video. Watch the video. The song does nothing for me at all, its not my type of music nor do I care for the stance, and I don't care what Ri-Ri is singing or rapping. I am simultaneously repelled and entranced by the video, so I am not sure how to feel about it in the end. Except that I will probably watch it again. And again. Infinity.

#44 - Wolf Alice, "Lisbon"
Heard of the artist? Isn't this Letters from Cleo?
Own any of their music? One song, "Moaning Lisa Smile," off the KEXP Song of the Day podcast.
Heard this song? No.
Would you purchase this song? Absolutely. Sounds like something I would like to hear more.

Yeah, this one is a no-brainer. I don't have a brain anyway, but I just wanted to point that I didn't need one to discover that I like this song. It's the '90s all over again, to the point where I was wondering when Belly got back together. Vocals, kicked up guitar-and-drums craziness, vocals, more kicked up guitar-and-drums craziness... I can always get behind that formula. Fuzz, fuzz, and more fuzz! So far, this is the first song I have played more than once while writing this.

#43 - Mumford and Sons, "The Wolf"
Heard of the artist? Are you alive in the 21st century?
Own any of their music? The Sigh No More LP, like everybody else in the Western world. But nothing else.
Heard this song? On Saturday Night Live and Jon Stewart. And, for once, on the radio.
Would you purchase this song? Going to hear it for years on the wife's car radio. So, why should I buy it?

I bought the Mumford boys' first album when everyone went nuts. And then I never listened to it even once because I heard it everywhere: in malls, on buses, on talk shows, on the radio, down the hall at work... everywhere. I don't dislike these guys, but I also don't really care about them. I recognize the talent, but the folky hipster vibe wears me down after a very short while. The Wolf rocks it up a bit more than their usual stuff, and I thought their performance of the song on Saturday Night Live earlier this year was one of the better musical guest appearances that show has had after a flurry of pop singer unpreparedness. But once again, it comes back to over-familiarity blocking my need to own any of their material for my own. (Except for the one that I already bought, of course.)

#42 - Sheer Mag, "Fan the Flames"
Heard of the artist? Nope.
Own any of their music? Nope.
Heard this song? Nope.
Would you purchase this song? Possibilities run rampant.

OK, so Sheer Mag has me interested. Just how gimmicky is the sound? Is it just for the video or is this a concept thing, like the one chord per album that the Raveonettes used to tout? Broken speaker vibe aside, the funky '70s pop-rock sound is pleasing. Apart from seeing her sweating in a club singing this song, I don't know who the female vocalist is, but I am getting a little bitty Michael Jackson vocal drive through the scratchy sound, and the band grooves nicely. I might want to hear more.

#41 - Coldplay, "Adventure of a Lifetime"
Heard of the artist? Duh.
Own any of their music? Embarrassingly, the first two albums. But I only ever listen to one particular song, and only when I got really mad at my old job. Can you guess what the song was?
Heard this song? Not yet, but I guess that I was bound to hear it. Might as well get it over with...
Would you purchase this song? Let's just say Coldplay and I consciously uncoupled years ago. Call me Gwyneth. 

Light disco wallpaper I don't need to hear, though I doubt that it can be avoided. Does not do a single thing for me. Bland as dry toast. These guys would have to murder another band live on television before I looked at them with interest again. Next...

#40 - Unknown Mortal Orchestra, "Can't Keep Checking My Phone"
Heard of the artist? Nope.
Own any of their music? Nope.
Heard this song? Nope.
Would you purchase this song? Need to look into their other music, but I might get this song.

Even without the oddly humorous video, this one is kind of delightful. The lyrics are pretty goofy but not boring in the least, and I want to know more about why we are eating crickets in the future. (They apparently taste like "far from home".) It's disco with a dryly funny bone, and that is just enough to have me research Unknown Mortal Orchestra a little bit more.

#39 - The Weeknd, "Earned It"
Heard of the artist? Kind of all over the place right now.

Own any of his music? No.
Heard this song? Not sure. Heard "Can't Feel My Face," that's for certain.
Would you purchase this song? Not on the 50 Shades of Grey soundtrack, but it's possible I would check out the song.

Damn, I love Abel Tesfaye's falsetto on this song. Not sure if this is the first time I have heard Earned It, but if its a thing right now, I get it. Pretty catchy, and a nice drive to the music behind him. See? I'm getting seduced, and the song is not even meant for me. I feel weird... but I am OK with it... ummm...

#38 - A$AP Rocky feat. Rod Stewart, Miguel, "Everyday"
Heard of the artist? Just one of them. Want to guess who?
Own any of their music? Well, I own tons of early Rod Stewart, Faces, and Jeff Beck. But not the other guys.
Heard this song? No.
Would you purchase this song? The only part that interests me is the Stewart vocal. And the middle section. And the end.

One of the dumbest rapper names I have seen yet meets a far superior (and way older, thanks to sampling) musical talent. The middle portion is just trip-hoppy enough that it makes me want to listen to some Tricky or Portishead instead. I kind of liked three-fifths of this, I just didn't give a shit about the rap parts.

#37 - Blur, "Ong Ong"
Heard of the artist? I own everything Blur has done.
Own any of their music? I own everything Blur has done.
Heard this song? I own everything Blur has done.
Would you purchase this song? I own everything Blur has done.

I own everything Blur has done. If I can ever get the wife to really listen to them, she is going to thank me for it.

#36 - Rihanna, Kanye West and Paul McCartney, "FourFiveSeconds"
Heard of the artist? I should have just pulled this question for this one.
Own any of their music? One out of three ain't bad. In my case, for this trio, it's preferred.
Heard this song? Nope, and I am surprised.
Would you purchase this song? Tah-dah! Wonders never cease. Most likely.

And now I going to do an about face on Rihanna, because I really like her vocals on this song, where it seems Paul McCartney is happy to just bop around, hit his guitar, and collect another Grammy someday. And I never thought that I find something on which I found Kanye West even partially interesting, and his vocals do not bother me at all. I have listened to six other songs since hearing this for the first time, and the chorus is stuck in my head. In a good way. This is a healing song, and I may need it someday.

#35 - Car Seat Headrest, "Something Soon"
Heard of the artist? Nope.
Own any of their music? Nope again.
Heard this song? I have now.
Would you purchase this song? Not a chance that I won't. I need this in my life.

Robert Pollard much? I like this very much, and I will buy it. Going to their Bandcamp page right now.

#34 - JD McPherson, "Let the Good Times Roll"
Heard of the artist? Yes.
Own any of his music? One song... this one.
Heard this song? See previous comment.
Would you purchase this song? Got it, but may have to look into him more now that I am reminded that it exists. Kind of forgot with everything going on in my life.

Let me state that I am a big Blasters maniac. This falls right into my roots rock wheelhouse, and his vocal definitely reminds me of Phil Alvin. Looking at my collection, I already own this song because of KEXP and told myself to look into JD's music after I first listened to it. And then stuff went kablooey in my life, so I forgot. I will remember now. Fun song.

#33 - EL VY, "Return to the Moon (Political Song for Didi Bloome to Sing, With Crescendo)"
Heard of the artist? Not under this name, and only half of the duo.
Own any of their music? I have some stuff by The National, but I am not crazy about them.
Heard this song? No.
Would you purchase this song? Oh, hell yeah.

“Scratched a ticket with a leg / Of a cricket / And I got triple Jesus”

If that doesn't tickle you, I don't care. It tickles me, and immediately carried me into the song straight through. I don't know if the National's Matt Berninger is being sincere, but I too would like us to return to the moon and beyond, so this has enormous appeal to me. The titular nod to the Minutemen's Political Song for Michael Jackson to Sing is also greatly appreciated. And this is the second song on the list where someone sings about crickets. I think Buddy Holly would be proud.

#32 - Disclosure feat. Lorde, "Magnets"
Heard of the artist? Full disclosure? Just Lorde.
Own any of their music? I own Foil by "Weird" Al Yankovic. And I know Randy Marsh.
Heard this song? No.
Would you purchase this song? Not opposed to it, but doubt I would get around to it. And not really what I listen to anyway.

The existence of Lorde for me has pretty much been wrapped up in the comedy of others: Yankovic, Parker, and Stone. I haven't really listened to her, and I am not sure that I am in her demographic. That said, I thought the song was fairly catchy and tried to do a little bit more than the usual dance pop that I generally eschew. Don't know what else to say except... Lorde! Lorde! Lorde! I'm Lorde!

#31 - Kurt Vile, "Pretty Pimpin'"
Heard of the artist? Yup.
Own any of his music? One song: Jesus Fever.
Heard this song? No.
Would you purchase this song? There is not a chance that I won't.

I have had a couple of friends tell me to check out Kurt Vile, and because I have exactly one song by him that I got from somewhere I don't remember, I would go, "Oh yeah, I've heard him. I like him." Neither response is a lie: I have and I did. Hearing Pretty Pimpin', I am instantly reminded of the Meat Puppets, which is never a bad thing at all. Kurt has his own thing going though, and I now realize that I have waited a little too long not to be listening to more of this music. This song is wonderful. It might be my favorite one thus far in this list. Nah, scratch that "might"... it is my favorite.

#30 - Selena Gomez, "Good for You"
Heard of the artist? Um...
Own any of her music? No, but um...
Heard this song? Am I hearing the song? Um...
Would you purchase this song? I would do anything for her. Even purchase this song. I am a married adult male that is 2-1/2 times her age. Stop watching this video!

I have gone this far in my life without having listened willingly to a Selena Gomez song. The same goes for her old beau Bieber, and I know he is coming up later on this list, so I might as well just get it over with and not complain. Gomez is a really pretty girl, but this video made me feel like a dirty old man, and not in a good way. (You didn't know there was a good way, did you? Well, there isn't.) I need to take a shower, but far, far away from the one she inhabits in the video. Surprisingly, I thought Good for You was far more understated than I expected (I thought there was Disney kid belting in store), and it is definitely sexy. And that is just so, so, so, so very wrong. That Bieber kid is a stupid idiot.

#29 - Drake, "Know Yourself"
Heard of the artist? Can't avoid him, even in movie theatres.
Own any of his music? Not a chance.
Heard this song? A snippet here, but not fully.
Would you purchase this song? Probably not.

Another artist of whom I have never listened to a full song until now, Drake (and talk of Drake; mostly talk of Drake, endless talk of Drake) is rather omnipresent these days. It is amazing that I mostly know him from a Sprite commercial and those stupid headphones. But I will admit that I didn't hate this song when I listened to it just now, and found the beat rather comfortable, even if the lyrics (yeah, I read along while I listen) mean zero to me. I get what he is saying, but I just don't give a shit. "But you know how that shit go." Yeah, I do, Drake. I guess one of the lyrics meant more than zero to me.

#28 - Eric Church, "Mr. Misunderstood"
Heard of the artist? No.
Own any of his music? Not yet.
Heard this song? I'm pleased that I have now.
Would you purchase this song? I would be Mr. Misunderstood if I didn't.

Oh, this is so good. "But you love your daddy's vinyl, old-time rock and roll / Elvis Costello, Ray Wylie Hubbard, and think Jeff Tweedy is one bad mother..." That's right... a Wilco name-check! No, please, Mr. Church, don't try to win me over. A nice alt-country groove (alt-country is still a term, no?) gets laid down, and then Church reels off memories and influences like he is writing his version of American Pie. Truly enjoyable; a must get for me.

#27 - Miguel, "Coffee"
Heard of the artist? Only because he is on the A$AP Rocky song farther above.
Own any of their music? Oh, hell no.
Heard this song? I think that I have heard part of this song somewhere, maybe a TV show.
Would you purchase this song? Not a chance.

It's not a bad song, but really just generic. I have only heard the cleaned up version in the video on the Rolling Stone site (which is odd, since they included the absolutely filthy Rihanna video; "filthy," both in a blood level and a nearly porn level, is meant to be a positive), and so maybe it would play better with the chorus altered to a more adult (though sophomoric) level. I am guessing the ladies love this song, but I am not a lady, so it won't work on me. (Not like that song above by The Weeknd... damn you, The Weeknd...)

#26 - Florence + the Machine, "Ship to Wreck"
Heard of the artist? Of course.
Own any of their music? The Lungs LP and a Buddy Holly cover.
Heard this song? Yes.
Would you purchase this song? Still not sure I really like them. I appreciate them more than actually like them.

I think that I were someone in Florence Welch's circle of friends, I would be astounded constantly that I personally knew someone who could sing like she can. Florence has a stunning voice, but for some reason, the music she and her band create never really sends me. I hear their songs, and I think "Wow, that is cool how they did that," but then I forget the songs as quickly as they came. 

To be continued... Pt. II of The 50 _______ Songs of 2015 can be read by clicking here: http://bit.ly/1QAqAdK.